Russell Wilson Needed Google’s Help To Compliment Ciara’s ‘Honey Sweet Lips’

There’s no denying that Russell Wilson and Ciara make a handsome couple, but perhaps thanks to Russell Wilson’s eerily-meticulous image as a platitude-chanting sponsor bot, there’s never been all that much public (or private) chemistry between the two. Well, Russ may have tried to change that for something called #WomanCrushWednesdays, but it probably wound up doing more harm than good.

First, Wilson took to Instagram to compliment Ciara nicely on her hair:

Cute. Later in the day, Twitter was the venue for his public declaration of admiration:

Look at Russ, getting down with the florid imagery! It’s amazing what sort of creativity can spring from within when you speak from your heart. Except…

Damn it, Russ! If you can’t think of the right words to say, you can be forgiven for googling some pretty words to match your woman’s pretty face. But at least go a couple pages down so that you don’t insult her intelligence. I mean, the tweet got blown up, but the Instagram post is from the same blog page! He didn’t even use two sources. We don’t know how much he went to class in college, but if he had paid attention in his English classes, he would have known that two sources always add more authority.

And before you go letting him off the hook by saying, “It’s the thought that counts,” A) the fact that he googled his compliments gives you a sense of just how much he “thought” at all, and B) if he wanted to make an earnest romantic gesture, he would have done it in person, not performatively announce his girlfriend’s attractiveness to the world via social media. Sorry, Russ, but you gotta up your game — Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

UPDATE: Russ responded, and with exactly the kind of bland, somehow-still-promoting-brands attitude we’ve come to expect (but this is totally an admission of guilt).

It also seems like a change in tack. Russ, if no words in any language could possibly describe Ciara’s beauty, then how were the top hits on Google (or, as he claims, Bing) good enough?

(h/t Deadspin)