A few notes before we begin:
- Larry King went on a 30+ tweet run in the middle of the night last night, with topics ranging from fireworks to dental care to legendary mob-affiliated union bosses who died under mysterious circumstances to, well, everything.
- I am presenting them without any further context or commentary, as Larry and Our Heavenly Father intended.
- It is not even noon on Monday and I feel safe and secure when I say that this will be my favorite thing of the week.
- Larry King is an 80-year-old man who uses a flip phone and he is somehow better at Twitter than you or anyone you know.
Take it away, Larry.
I can't remember the last time I went to a zoo.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
If you've seen one fireworks show you've seen them all.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
My wife looks cute with her reading glasses on her nose.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Does anyone still play Chinese Checkers?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Pilots should talk more during flights because it's comforting to me.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Is plaid in?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Five course meals are tedious.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Did a man named Cobb invent the salad?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Why is a frankfurter called a hot dog?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I never wear short sleeved shirts.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Resurrection has so many dead people, that I don't know who is living.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
IMG has the best baseball Academy in America.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I hate people with perfect teeth.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Can't someone just have a little fun around here?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I miss Fats Domino.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
The Giants in 6.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I miss Derek Jeter already.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Kobe Bryant is one of the 5 greatest players of all time.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I don't know why but I just thought of Lawrence Welk.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I miss my occasional lunches with Joe Biden.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Does anyone still drink Sanka?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Do they still make Postum?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Why didn't I save my first issue of Batman?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Do they still make Junket?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
There's nothing in the world like an Oreo cookie with some cold milk.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I've never been on a hayride.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
I like Donald Duck better than Mickey Mouse.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Sue me, I liked Jimmy Hoffa.
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
Why don't they keep daylight saving time year round?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
How did Las Vegas exist before air-conditioning?
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
And finally, as Porky Pig would say, that's all folks!
— Larry King (@kingsthings) October 20, 2014
