‘Oh, And Hugh Jackman!’: Dr. Cox’s Most Glorious Rants From ‘Scrubs’

For nine seasons on Scrubs, John C. McGinley cracked us up as the perpetually miserable Dr. Cox, who would taunt poor J.D. with relentless insults, and of course, call him girl’s names on a regular basis. Since we have the mini-Scrubs reunion fresh in our memory, let’s look at some of Dr. Cox’s most memorable rants over the course of the show’s run…

His First Encounter With J.D.

Just like the Janitor, Dr. Cox was annoyed with J.D. right from the start. J.D. has a few mistakes here; first he can’t poke a needle through the arm of their unconscious patient, then he makes the crucial error all of calling Dr. Cox “insensitive,” which he doesn’t take particularly well. One can’t help but wonder if all those girl’s names Cox thought of for J.D. over the years were his way of showing him just how insensitive he could be.

His Utter Contempt For Hugh Jackman

In this great rant, Dr. Cox reminds us of all things that were popular in the early-to-mid 2000s (low-carb diets, Michael Moore, The O.C.) while also letting J.D. know that his last week of residency is of no importance whatsoever to him. But the really brutal part is that shot at Hugh Jackman at the end (“how dare he?”).

When He Told Turk He Wasn’t Black

His case for Turk not being black: “you have a nerdy white best friend, you enjoy Neil Diamond, and you certainly act like a black guy, all of which are traits of white people.” This clip might be a bit more controversial if aired today (I could see the Tumblr crowd getting upset by it), but it was another hilarious Cox rant, punctuated by his desire to change the NAACP to the National Association For the Advancement Of African Americans, or “NAAAA,” which is also response to whether or not he thinks Turk is black.

His Musical Rant

The musical episode gave everyone a chance to shine, and Dr. Cox was no exception. The format gives him another means of telling J.D. just how annoying he finds him. And no, he’s not thrilled about being your bumper buddy either. This clip gets bonus points for a nice cameo from the Janitor.

This Classic Encounter With Doug

Hey, it’s not like J.D. was the only resident Dr. Cox was cruel to. Doug was basically a less competent version of him anyway, and in this clip, Cox certainly gives him the business.”If you leave, I’ll know you were eavesdropping, and I’ll just kill you anyway.” Poor Doug.

The Time J.D. Actually Stood Up To Him

J.D. often seemed to be either delusional or totally clueless about his relationship with Dr. Cox, continuing to believe he was his mentor no matter how often Cox would rant about how annoying he found him. But this time, he manages to get the courage to stand up for himself, even if it was really hard for him to keep his lip from quivering. Of course, Cox still gets in some good lines about J.D. being absent the day they handed out common sense because he was too busy listening to his favorite boy band, but overall, you have to give J.D. the win here, for finally demonstrating that he has a spine.