Over the past two weeks South Park has had some fun with Lorde, claiming that the “Royals” singer was actually 45-year-old Randy Marsh. Refreshingly, Lorde was cool with it. So cool, in fact, that she even sang a cover of Randy/Lorde’s instant-classic “Ya-ya-ya I am Lorde.” Of course, South Park was fairly easy on her compared to how they’ve gone after certain celebrities in the past, and not all of them were as mellow about it as she was. With that in mind, let’s look at seven celebrities who received a far more severe version of the South Park treatment.
7. Phil Collins
Before Matt & Trey were winning Tonys for The Book of Mormon, they were up for an Oscar for Best Original Song for “Blame Canada” from South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut. Sadly, they lost to Phil Collins, and his song “You’ll Be In My Heart” from the Tarzan soundtrack. Obviously, this was a travesty, and Matt & Trey responded exactly how you’d expect them to: by tearing Phil Collins a new one. In this episode, he scolds everyone endlessly for enjoying the antics of Timmy, and makes the worst music in the world. You could argue that this was a bit of sour grapes from the South Park creators, but that doesn’t make it any less hilarious.
6. Barbra Streisand
It wasn’t enough for South Park to simply portray Streisand as a self-involved diva. No, they had to go the extra mile and make her an unholy dinosaur/robot hybrid bent on world domination. This was the the first time South Park took a shot at a major celebrity, and they certainly didn’t pull any punches. This episode was a warning to the rest of Hollywood that no one was safe, and that’s been true for the last 17 years.
5. Mel Gibson
In early 2004, The Passion Of The Christ was both the most popular and most controversial movie in theaters. Christians saw it in droves, while others viewed the film’s portrayal of Jews as anti-semitic. Naturally, a movie that views Jews this way would appeal to Cartman, who had been giving Kyle the business about his Jewish faith since Day One. The movie inspires Cartman to enact his own version of the holocaust, while also turning Kyle into a self-hating Jew. Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle are so unimpressed by the movie that they travel all the way to Malibu to get their $18 bucks back. What they discover is that Mel Gibson is a complete lunatic who is either screaming mindlessly, or playing the banjo. When everyone else makes the discovery, Kyle no longer feels bad, and Cartman’s plan to enact the Final Solution is mercifully over.
4. Kanye West
I’m pretty sure we all remember this one. Poor Kanye is the only one who doesn’t get Jimmy’s joke about fish sticks, and comes to the conclusion that he must be a gay fish. Kanye was clearly a little bit irritated at South Park‘s carcature of him, because in the 2010 track “Gorgeous,” he states his desire to “choke a South Park writer with a fishstick.” Last year, Kanye got skewered by South Park again, as he spent an entire episode wondering if wife Kim Kardashian was actually a hobbit. In that episode, West also described himself as a “recovering gay fish.” Kanye should probably get used to South Park making fun of him, because they aren’t going to stop. And when it’s this funny, why should they?
3. Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez
It’s easy to forget this, but 11 years ago, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were the most famous couple in America. We heard about them endlessly, and got sick of it very quickly. This episode takes some vicious shots at each of them. J-Lo is essentially portrayed as the meanest person on the planet, screaming practically all the time, while Affleck is portrayed as a talentless idiot who falls in love the caricature of Lopez that Cartman draws on his hand. Imagine his heartbreak when he realized it was Mitch Connor the whole time!
2. Tom Cruise
“Trapped In The Closet” is one of South Park‘s most delightfully cruel episodes, both for its brutal takedown of Scientology, and the endless fun it pokes at Tom Cruise. When Stan — believed to be the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard — criticizes Cruise’s acting, he locks himself in Stan’s closet, leading to the on-going joke that Cruise “won’t come out of the closet.” The episode never explicitly states what we’re all thinking, but it certainly implies it a lot. Cruise was not too happy about this, and he threatened to sue the creators of South Park if the episode was shown again. Of course, this only encouraged Matt & Trey to mock Cruise even further. In the 200th episode Tom Cruise was see working in a candy factory where he was, yup, you guessed it, packing fudge.
1. Isaac Hayes
When South Park took those shots at Scientology in the “Trapped In The Closet” episode, it was natural to wonder how Isaac Hayes — who plays Chef and is a well-known Scientologist — felt about it. Would this cause a rift between the show and Hayes? At first, it looked like the answer would be no. In an interview with Opie & Anthony, Hayes was quoted as saying “one thing about Matt and Trey, they lampoon everybody, and if you take that serious, I’ll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for two dollars. That’s what they do.”
Hayes would evidently change his mind a few months later, when he asked to quit South Park due to religious differences. Matt & Trey retaliated by turning his beloved character into a child molester. By combining previously recorded dialogue, they have Chef repeatedly express his desire to molest Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny multiple times (“How would you like to sodomize my black a**hole, Kyle?”). It would turn out Chef was brainwashed by a “fruity little club” that acts as a stand-in for Scientology. Chef ultimately dies, but is turned into a frightening Darth Vader-esque creation, who still has the urge to molest children. Basically, Matt and Trey’s revenge on Hayes was slightly less vicious than Cartman’s revenge on Scott Tenorman.
