Could These Chandler Bing Quotes BE More Sarcastic?

If you ask someone who their favorite character from Friends is, more often than not, it will be Chandler. Chandler is easily one of the more relatable friends: He’s terrible at relationships, his job is a bit of a dead end, and he uses sarcasm to avoid dealing with real emotions. In an often unrealistic portrayal of life in New York City, he often feels like the one most grounded in reality. Sure, that reality can be a bit grim, but that just makes Chandler’s jokes funnier.

As the show marched on through 10 seasons, Matthew Perry (who turns 46 today) remained consistent, earning an Emmy nomination in 2002. Chandler was also the character who matured and grew the most as the series went on, eventually entering into a loving and committed relationship with Monica. Even though he did learn how to become an “adult” along the way, though, Chandler never stopped being hilarious. Let’s take a look at some of the funniest lines from the most awkward Friend.

“If I’m gonna be an old, lonely man, I’m gonna need a thing. You know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So, I figure I’ll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y’know? Crazy Snake Man. And I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. ‘Run away from Crazy Snake Man,’  they’ll shout!”

When their grouchy, hoarding neighbor Mr. Heckles dies, the gang is tasked with going through his belongings and cleaning out his apartment. When he starts to see some similarities between himself and Heckles, Chandler handles it in the only way he knew how… panic.

“I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”

This line basically sums up Chandler. He wants love (I mean, this is a sitcom about 20-somethings), but he can’t get out of his own way long enough to actually get it. However, it’s definitely a good thing that it didn’t work out with Janice in the long run.

“Like what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checking out the Chan Chan man!”

Chandler was always terrible with women, but his rendezvous with Rachel’s boss goes particularly poorly. So poorly, in fact, that Rachel’s job is threatened. Rule of thumb: Only set up your boss with suave people.

“I say more dumb stuff before 9 a.m. than most people say all day.”

While many characters are awkward in their obliviousness, Chandler was painfully self-aware. While it may not have always changed his behavior, at least he knew when he was acting emotionally stunted.

“I’m full, and yet I know if I stop eating this, I’ll regret it.”

When faced with the prospect of eating a delicious stolen cheesecake, Chandler handles it the only way he knows how… shame-eating and self-loathing. Real friends eat cheesecake off the ground together.

“Okay, Ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.” – Joey

“What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?” – Chandler

The relationship between Chandler and Joey is one of the best, if not the best, part of Friends. Chandler’s incredulity at Joey’s stupidity never got old. Eventually, it developed into a sort of knowing acceptance, but the early years of angry awe are still great to watch.

“We swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever.  Sound good?”

One of Chandler and Joey’s biggest falling outs is over Joey’s girlfriend, Kathy. Despite trying to adopt a “bros before hoes” mentality, Chandler couldn’t help but fall in love with her. I mean, who wouldn’t fall in love with the awesome Paget Brewster?

“Should I use my invisibility to fight crime, or for evil?”

There can’t be two alphas in a relationship, and Monica is definitely the alpha. Luckily, Chandler doesn’t seem to mind that much, but he is often steam-rolled by her aggressive personality. While that trope has been done to death since, it worked pretty well for the two of them.

“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

Chandler is terrible at advice, to the point where Monica eventually tells him that he’s no longer allowed to give it. However, no one recognizes his own limitations better than Chandler, and he doesn’t mind saying so in this regard. You’re better at other things, champ.

“Oh dear God. Hold on, there’s something different.” – Chandler

“I went to the tanning place your wife suggested.” – Ross

“Was that place THE SUN?” – Chandler

While Joey is often portrayed as the dope of the group, Ross is certainly the MVP of Stupidity on occasion. Chandler may not give advice when people screw up, but he’s definitely willing to call them out on it. So, when Ross comes back from the tanning salon looking like he’s wearing blackface, Chandler is the first to make a joke.

“I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

In all fairness, you’d probably be uncomfortable if Magnum P.I. was your girlfriend’s last boyfriend, too.

“Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow, tin chest.”

In “The One Where Chandler Can’t Cry,” Monica is upset by Chandler’s inability to cry. After his childhood, you really can’t blame the guy. When sad movies and Monica telling a tragic story about him finding a letter from her after her death fails to elicit a tear, he is finally broken down by Ross and Rachel not being able to work things out. Really? That’s what breaks your heart?