What we need to do here is figure out a way to get Carrie Coon in more shows. All of the shows, if possible. At least all the good ones. I’m not sure how we do it. Or if she’s even interested. This might be a two-step process. First, we have to convince Carrie Coon to appear in all of the shows. Then, we have to figure out the logistics to make it happen. The best idea I have so far involves harnessing Santa’s power to deliver presents to children all over the world in one night, then giving that power to Carrie Coon to hop from studio to studio to film scenes for every television show. She’ll have to promise not to abuse it, though. The power, I mean. We don’t want to create a supervillain, after all. But I think she’ll be cool about it. Carrie Coon seems pretty cool. This is a solid plan.
And even if there is a small chance she uses the power to become a soulless time-shifting demon, I still think it’s worth the risk. Did you see the year she just put together? There was a lot going on in 2017 so I can understand if you missed it or it slipped from your memory, but dig this: From the first week of April through the middle of June, Carrie Coon was on television twice a week, in primetime, in huge roles, on two of our most prestigious prestige dramas. One of the roles earned her an Emmy nomination. The other resulted in one of the most egregious award snubs in history and just thinking about it again now is making me so angry I might start a fire. But we’ll get to that.
First, let’s discuss Fargo. Carrie Coon starred in the third season of Noah Hawley’s acclaimed anthology series as a Minnesota detective named Gloria Burgle, which is one of the great name/profession combinations you’ll ever see, like a professional magician named Tito Skeptical. Gloria Burgle was tough and relentless and for some reason devices powered by electricity did not work for her. We probably would have made a huge deal about it if Mary Elizabeth Winstead didn’t steal some of her thunder on the show by playing a revenge-seeking grifter named Nikki Swango who killed a man with an air conditioner. Tough competition.
And yes, the third season of Fargo had some flaws. It wasn’t quite the phenomenon season one was or the alien-infused bloodbath that blew us away in season two. But even if you were one of the people who was a little lukewarm on the third season as a whole, I don’t think you can really say anything bad about the mostly standalone episode that saw Gloria Burgle go to California. That was one of the best hours of television this year. My only real complaint about it all was that I found myself wishing that had been the focus of the entire season. Who doesn’t want to see Carrie Coon investigate murders in Hollywood? Not not me, I’ll tell you that much. Carrie Coon and Ray Wise, whose character may or may not be the actual devil, just chilling at a bar, shooting the breeze while she pieces together evidence from a decades-old crime. I’d watch that every week.
Here’s my favorite part of all this, though: That episode of Fargo, “The Law of Non-Contradiction,” aired on May 3. Four days later, on May 7, The Leftovers aired an episode titled “G’Day Melbourne.” Trying to pick a favorite episode from the final season of The Leftovers is impossible and I refuse to do it, in large part because Damon Lindelof and company put their thumbs on the scale by setting one episode on a cruise ship filled with members of a lion-obsessed orgy cult, but if you want to try, you could do a lot worse than “G’Day Melbourne.”