CSI: Cyber, everyone’s favorite drama that stars Bow Wow as a hacker and James Van Der Beek as a character named “Elijah Mundo,” is back for a second season. It is also, somehow, and I’ll be fully up front that I gasped when I realized this, the final CSI standing. How is that even possible? Like, I know how it’s “possible” (CSI: Miami was canceled in 2012, CSI: NY ended in 2013, and the original closed its blood-soaked neon doors earlier this fall), but if you had asked me last week how many CSIs were still on CBS’s schedule, I would have guessed — conservatively — three. “I’m pretty sure CSI: Seattle is one” I would have said, incorrectly, but with a great deal of confidence, like a politician running for office.
But anyway, the most important thing you need to know about the second season of CSI: Cyber — which kicked off with an episode titled, I swear to God, “Why-Fi,” and a plot about, I swear to God again, criminals hacking a little girl’s talking doll to have it tell her to unlock a window so they could sneak into her house — is that Ted Danson’s character from the original CSI has joined the team. Boy, has he ever. Here are some things Ted Danson’s character did before the opening credits:
- Said the words “on fleek.”
- Staged a cockroach race in the office against Academy Award-winning actress Patricia Arquette.
- Used a Roomba to investigate a murder.
Perhaps you think I am making up the thing about him using a Roomba to investigate a murder. It would be understandable. Ted Danson investigating a murder with a Roomba just sounds like the type of thing someone would make up. Especially because the plot of The Good Wife‘s season premiere, which aired immediately before CSI: Cyber, also hinged on something a Roomba did in a dead person’s home. (Swear to God again!) But nope. Look at him go!
Now, I suppose I should explain. His character saw some strange marks on the hardwood floor of a house that had recently been burgl-…
You know what? Nah. Let’s just leave this one at those images and “Ted Danson used a Roomba to investigate a murder.” Really don’t see how we can improve on that.
Update: I have been informed by a number of parties that the robotic vacuum in question is not, in fact, “a Roomba,” but a Neato Botvac D. So, technically, Ted Danson did not use a Roomba to investigate a murder. Ted Danson used a Neato Botvac D to investigate a murder. I regret the error.