TV

‘Storm Of Kings XXX’ Is The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Of Expensive Porn Parodies

Storm of Kings XXX isn’t the first Game of Thrones parody. That honor goes to Game of Bones (tagline: “Winter is cumming,” obviously), or maybe even that scene from season one where Littlefinger gives a monologue while two women have sex with each other. (I laughed during it, at least.) But the Brazzers production is the most like the HBO fantasy series. It’s expensive, it has battles, and most importantly, there are plenty of “t*ts and dragons.”

Every episode of Storm of Kings XXX is about 35-40 minutes long, with 8-10 of those minutes dedicated to actual plot, and not people doing it Drogon style. Brazzers product director Mario Nardstein told Vanity Fair that the series has a “flexible budget,” which probably puts it closer to the “high-profile project” range of $100,000 to $1 million than the lower end of $10,000 to $20,000. Storm of Kings XXX is worth the investment because porn parodies are “the only things that sell on DVD anymore,” according to writer and director Dick Bush (the first episode fared 20 percent better than the average release; in that sense, it’s the opposite of the Game of Thrones season six premiere).

Here’s the official synopsis:

Evil King Jasper will do anything to protect his throne, but can he stop John Doe and Daniellys Tarus? Storm of Kings XXX Parody delivers on bloodshed, dragons, and hardcore f*cking!

“John Doe.” Porn parodies are usually silly, but not Storm of Kings XXX. The pilot, as it were, includes a scene where Fake Joffrey makes Fake Sansa watch him have sex with his handmaidens, and then he kills her family in front of her. “If you’re laughing,” Nardstein told Vanity Fair, “it’s hard to get to your business, which is the purpose you are on Brazzers for. If you can take it more seriously, you can identify with the characters.” I identify with the dragon.

Dick Bush (I am always going to use his full name) even has a prediction for the series finale of Game of Thrones: “A battle with dragons against all of the utter wankers.” Also, Daenerys and Jon Snow will have sex, “unless it turns out they are somehow related. In which case maybe they will still have a sex scene, because it’s Game of Thrones.” Spoken like a true fan.

If you want to watch Storm of Kings XXX, well, we can’t link to it here, but you know what to do.

(Via Vanity Fair)

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