These Homer Simpson Quotes Hold The Solutions To All Of Life’s Problems

The wise Homer Simpson once said, “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.” He’s also shared many other profound pieces of knowledge throughout the history of The Simpsons, such as the truth about alcohol being the “cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems,” and, “You don’t win friends with salad!” Which is why it should come as no surprise that he may have predicted the mass of the Higgs boson particle 14 years ahead of the world’s best physicists.

With this selection of his most profound quotes, we celebrate Homer Simpson, the potential cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems…

“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”

“What’s the point of going out? We’re just gonna wind up back here anyway.”

“I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa. Never help anyone.”

“The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let’s see. Don’t tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.”

“Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.”

“Marge, I agree with you… in theory. In theory, communism works… in theory.”

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.”

“Lisa, a guy who’s got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.”

“Gee, there are so many gods. What happens if we believe in the wrong one? Every time we go to church we just make the real one madder and madder.”

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. No. 1: Cover for me. No. 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! No. 3: It was like that when I got here.”

“Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Fourteen percent of all people know that.”

“I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!”

“You don’t win friends with salad.”

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

“If something’s hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”

“Boy, everyone is stupid, except me.”

“Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.”

“Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.”

“Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”

“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”