New Year’s resolutions are no joke. Well, until they end up busted a few days in and you find yourself explaining what went wrong on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. That’s when they’re a joke and a pretty funny one at that.
ABC’s go-to location for attempted Axl Rose wrangling has forced us to confront the cruel world of broken resolutions courtesy of a hilarious segment that popped up on last night’s episode. Passersby in Hollywood are asked about the health of their New Year’s resolutions and the results are equal parts tragic and hilarious. (Tragilarious? No, that won’t do.) Heck, all of our half-assed plans to “recycle more” or “eat out less” seem positively quaint compared to these immediately shattered 2016 vows.
One person featured in this Jimmy Kimmel Live! declared that their goal for 2016 was to “stop being an a**hole.” His success rate with this resolution just a few days in leaves a bit to be desired.
I left my girlfriend in Las Vegas and I went to just go gamble and then I came back to the hotel a few days later.
Don’t worry. They’re still together, but he admits “it hasn’t been the smoothest ride.” Let this be a reminder to write “do not abandon your girlfriend to go on a multi-day gambling binge” on your romantic advice whiteboard.
Speaking of resolutions, host Jimmy Kimmel shared his own already failed attempt at self-improvement before introducing the clip.
“I have a treadmill desk in my office which I never use anymore. So today I came in, I had shorts on, I had a sweatshirt, I tied my Adidas up nice and tight. And then I stepped on the treadmill, I stood there without moving for like maybe four seconds. Then I got off and made coffee and that was that. That was my workout.”
If you want to spill your guts about your own broken New Year’s resolutions, we offer up confession in the comments.