TV

John Oliver Is Pissed Off Over How Boring Breakfast Cereal Has Become

Owing to Memorial Day, HBO’s Last Week Tonight With John Oliver had the week off, but Oliver obviously had something he really wanted to get off his chest. In a video posted exclusively to YouTube, Oliver used the holiday to take a break from the news and instead spend nearly seven minutes ranting about a problem in America that not enough people are talking about—but should be: The lack of innovation in the breakfast cereal game. Specifically of concern to the host is the fact that “there aren’t enough new cereals anymore.” As Oliver explained:

“We haven’t had an exciting new cereal in what feels like 100 years. Remember how thrilling cereal news used to be? Remember when Trix tried to unite a divided country by introducing Wildberry Blue? A new fruit shape that wasn’t just red or blue, but both? Of course you do! It was as controversial as it was delicious, and it represented what a cereal could be at its best.”

Oliver’s thoughts on your boring bowl of breakfast didn’t stop there, though. He talked about some of the food’s innovations past—like when Reese’s Puffs were first introduced and how, according to Oliver, “No one even knew if that was legal. It was candy! For breakfast!”

That the most exciting thing to come out of the cereal industry is this terrible Frosted Flakes commercial starring Tony the Tiger and Shaquille O’Neal—and that “trash cereal” Frosted Flakes are like “human scabs that have been non-consensually dredged through powdered sugar.”

You can watch the full clip — including Oliver’s hilarious ideas on how to make cereal exciting again (“Make f*cking Gushers a cereal—I don’t care”) and why Cheerios is the “worst, toothless impulses that dominate positivity Twitter” — above.

×