Kermit The Frog Is Already Dating After His Split From Miss Piggy

Typical frog Muppet men. After only recently breaking up with Miss Piggy after 40 years together, Kermit the Dog, oops I mean Kermit the Frog has already found a new love interest. According to People Magazine, her name is Denise and to add insult to injury, she’s also a pig, only younger because men are scum. Just like A-list divorcée Ben Affleck, Kermit supposedly met his new girl in familiar quarters, as Denise is reportedly the head of marketing at ABC, and they have been “spotted around town numerous times” together as the debut of ABC’s The Muppets nears.

At the risk of editorializing at such a painful and embarrassing time for Miss Piggy, who despite an awful temper has always been one of the most influential females and positive role models in show business, it is simply disgusting that Kermit would behave this way, in plain sight no less. That’s not to say that keeping it a secret would be any better, but he owes it to his fans and especially all of the tadpoles out there who look up to him to act like a gosh darned adult, and I’m incredibly sorry for cursing like that but I am just so sick that I could vomit all over my keyboard.

In conclusion, I don’t have to hope that Miss Piggy will rise above this adversity and be the better Muppet as she has always been, because I know she will. She is the familiar face that today’s feminist movement has desperately needed, and this is the catalyst that will finally propel her to the top of the industry. Move over, Oprah and Ellen. It’s Miss Piggy’s time to shine, and all it took was Kermit the Frog being exposed as the real pig.