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Live Your Life According To The Wisdom Of Louise Belcher


Despite being a (diabolical) child, Louise Belcher has life figured out. Clearly the mastermind of Bob’s Burgers, Louise has her own code of honor, which usually begins with self-edification, but winds it back to loyalty to her family, despite their innate knack to exasperate her. Her weird sisterly bond with Tina, in particular, shines, although she and Bob have had some great father-daughter moments over the course of the series. However, through it all, Louise is an agent of chaos with a conscience, even if it is hidden under ten layers of plotting.

At the end of the day, we can all learn a lot from Louise’s personal code. With these rules of etiquette, you’re sure to win friends and influence people (into being your minions).

Always Be Direct With People: “Oh, I swear to God, if you keep talking, I’m going to gut punch you.”

No one likes someone who beats around the bush. Sure, you could keep them guessing, but being open with what you want will probably get you better results. In the workplace, when you’re picking out the bar for Friday night, or coordinating the group Halloween costume, telling it like it is will save you a world of frustration.

Always Tell People How They Make You Feel: “You guys are a burden! You’re dead weight!”

Feelings can be gross, but there is no getting around them. Playing coy will always bite you in the ass, so channel your inner Louise and always let people know where you stand. You might step on some toes, but those are people you want to deal with anyway.

Ask Questions: “Oh my God. Why do you talk so slow?”

You’ll never get the answers you’re looking for if you don’t ask the right questions. An inquisitive mind is a growing mind, so it really is in your best interest to ask questions, even if you don’t like the answers (like “What kind of maniac wakes up early to write erotic friend fiction?”). Knowledge is power, and power is Louise’s biggest motivator.

Offer Up Common Sense Solutions: “You could sell your soul. I did, and look at me!”

If you want to be the kind of person others seek out, offering them real-world solutions to their problems will get you a long way. Everyone loves a problem solver (well, most of the time), so you’ll always have value to those around you if you are fixing problems instead of making them, although a little well-deployed chaos will keep you at the top.

Be A Visionary: “Soon I’ll have people who do my sleeping for me!”

Did anyone find transcendent success through settling for mediocrity? Absolutely not. By giving yourself goals, you’ll never be stuck in a cesspool of ennui that comes with being basic. Some people settle for being average, but not you, friendo. If you’re going to be the best, you’re going to have to think outside of the box.

Demand Honesty In Yourself And Others: “Why don’t you try speaking in words, instead of your damn dirty lies!”

In the long run, liars never prosper. While an errant lie here and there might seem harmless, that dishonest life is just not what you’re all about. This is one of those areas where you demand the same in others that you do in yourself as well. Honesty is the best policy, even if the truth hurts.

Take Risks: “Almost dying is the best part of living. It’s called almost live-dying.”

If you want to succeed, you have to take a risk every once in a while. Playing it safe is boring as hell, and Louise is one to always live on the edge of danger. Keeping those around you on the edge of their seats will never not be fun, so save the milquetoast rule following for someone else.

Self-Awareness Is Key: “Quiet dignity? Have you met us?!”

You know your strengths, but it’s essential to know your weaknesses as well. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll actively work to change your less than flatter qualities, but at least you recognize them. If you know your limitations, you can more effectively avoid them. You might even take the first tentative steps towards self-improvement.

Be Empathetic To Your Fellow Man: “What is this feeling I’m feeling right now? It’s like I’m sad, for another person? Is that a thing?”

As easy as it is to crush others on your way to the top, empathy is the best option. In your single-minded quest for being the best, you can also be the best at treating people well. It might not be your automatic first choice, but working on developing a heart for others will serve you well in the long run. See? Even kindness can be pragmatic.

Stick Up For Your Squad: “Yeah! Messing with Tina is a privilege, not a right!”

Even if you pick on them, you close ranks when someone else comes for your inner circle. Like a mama bear with her cubs, Louise may be quick with the cutting remark, but will cut anyone else who makes similar fun. You have to earn the right to tease your squad, and anyone who hasn’t can just go screw off into the ether. That’s your job, not theirs.

This is an updated version of a post that originally ran in July of 2016.

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