Phoebe Buffay is the unsung hero of Friends. While Ross and Rachel’s on-again-off-again relationship, Chandler’s sarcasm, and Joey’s bravado often took center stage, Phoebe brought the delightfully weird to every single episode with Lisa Kudrow’s character continuously adding a new layer to Phoebe’s psyche. Whether it was her questionable musical talents, tales from her life on the street, or her penchant for using the word “phalange,” Kudrow was aces all the way until the end.
While she often gets dismissed as a total weirdo (she was), Phoebe often took on the role of truth teller in the group. Perhaps it was her lack of a filter, but Phoebe was usually the one to put her friends in their place when they were out-of-line. The next time one of your friends needs a dose of honesty, it might be best to channel your inner Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
“Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap!”
Listen, especially in your 20s, your friends (and you) are going to date plenty of garbage people. While you probably shouldn’t say anything right off the bat, if things start to get serious between your best friend and that asshole who does nothing but steal your food and try and get his band off the ground, you might have to practice a little tough love. Maybe try a little tact in the beginning before breaking out “human crap,” but it’s a good one to use in case there’s pushback. Your friend will probably thank you for it, eventually.
“She’s your lobster.”
On the flip side of things, your friends might also need a little nudge in the direction of people who are good for them. Sometimes people need the encouragement of others to give someone out of left field (but perfect for them) a chance, and you can be that person to bring them together. A little meddling is worth it when lobster soulmates are on the line.
“I don’t even have a ‘pla.'”
Sometimes part of being brutally honest is being transparent about where you’re at in life. Your friends are supposed to be people who love you at your worst or most lost, so why hide the fact that you don’t always have everything together? Even if you don’t even have a “pla” it’s best to just be open instead of creating an elaborate web of lies and half truths.
“This is brand new information!”
Whether it is about March Madness or this endless election cycle, you are bound to have that one friend who can literally only talk about a single topic. It’s not that they have new information or opinions to add, they just keep saying the same stuff over and over again. “Oh, Trump’s going to get Mexico to build that wall?” “[Insert college basketball team name here] is going to go all the way this year?” When you just can’t take it anymore, just drop the facade. It’ll be better for you in the long run.
“Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
If your friends are mostly young and single, there is a good chance that you’ll get dragged to a bunch of singles events or asked to help them move into a new apartment. While you want to be a good friend and help them out, sometimes you just need to say no. It’s really okay. While you don’t want to be a total dick about it, sometimes you just need to tap out for a night.
“One really does have a stick up one’s ass, doesn’t one?”
Part of your role as your group’s truth teller is to call out grumps in your midst. Every party has a pooper, and maybe you should call them out on that. If you let the haters bring down the mood, everyone has a bad time. It’s up to you to save this party, and Phoebe-esque honesty is the first place to start.
“Everybody looks so happy. I hate that!”
…Unless you’re the party pooper. Yes, this is a terrible double standard, but you know what? You’re only human. It might be best to rein in your frustrations when you’re in a large group, but when you’re with your best friends, let her rip. If they want you at your most encouraging best, they have to take the dark clouds that come with total honesty as well.
“Pick up the sock!”
The sock could be a metaphor for anything that you or your friends are putting off. It could be paying your taxes, doing your laundry, or finally taking down your Christmas decorations (what? It’s only March…), but a not so subtle shriek of “PICK UP THE SOCK!” could be just the thing to kickstart you all into action.
