On Monday evening, while the world’s biggest stars uncomfortably shuffled their way into the Met Gala in outfits that could not have been comfortable or allowed for sitting, all eyes were on Nicki Minaj. Or at least her Twitter account, where she was posting about not being at the Met Gala… and dropping a drive-by mention of her cousin’s friend’s swollen testicles.
My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied
— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) September 13, 2021
While we certainly feel bad for any guy whose gnads have gone all gnarly, Trinidad & Tobago’s minister of health says they have no record of such an incident and cast doubt on the tweet’s accuracy (while trying to keep a straight face behind a face mask). Whether it’s true or not doesn’t seem to matter to Tucker Carlson, who is seemingly obsessed with Nicki’s cousin’s friend’s engorged nutsack. And just like us, Stephen Colbert is loving every minute of Carlson’s coverage of Gonadgate.
“Tucker was one of the first to jump on the story on Monday night,” Colbert said, “but he had gotten a crucial detail wrong.” On Tuesday, Carlson apologized for his misunderstanding of the original tweet, and corrected his original reporting by explaining that: “Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s testicles are not swollen. As far as we know, he’s fine. It’s Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles who are swollen.” Colbert, for one, appreciated the correction:
“I’m glad to see Fox News is finally coming to terms with some of its dangerous misstatements. And this time… it’s not trivial stuff like, ‘Was the election stolen?’ or ‘Should I huff horse medicine?’ No, Fox viewers; you’ve got to squirt that straight up your butt.”
According to Colbert, “Carlson has been reporting on Minaj’s tweet because he’s desperate for any proof that the vaccine is not safe.” He even went so far as to invite Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend—or Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen-ball-hating ex-fiancée—to come on his show to tell their story. And promised that he would come to them. Colbert was suitably impressed by Carlson’s dogged dedication to the truth.
“That’s right, Tucker’s willing to go anywhere to get the important stories,” Colbert said. “It reminds me of when Walter Cronkite went to Vietnam to interview Jimi Hendrix’s cousin’s friend, who claimed the polio vaccine gave him a micro-taint.”
You can watch the clip above, beginning around the 6:20 mark. Here’s hoping that this won’t be the last we hear from Carlson on the topic.