Survey Says… Ellen Hates America!

04.09.10 9 years ago 22 Comments

Ellen Degeneres was a category on “Family Feud” recently — specifically, “Things Everyone Knows About Ellen Degeneres” — and the Sutton family hit a few bumps along the way. When it came round to ol’ Dad, he went with “She doesn’t like our country,” which surprisingly was not one of the top five entries in the survey. I thought it was common knowledge that gay people hate America. Especially gay people in Hollywood. Those are the America-hatin’-est Americans in America.

But really: who actually dislikes America? It’s not that long of a list. Osama bin Laden, sure. Sean Penn. Foreigners who get their asses kicked by us in war and the Olympics. And snot-nosed college kids who’ve been reading Noam Chomsky and speak out against America while they exercise their freedom of speech and get a six-figure education within our borders. Oh man, I can’t decide who I want to punch the most. The logical choice is bin Laden, but don’t underestimate my hatred for Sean Penn or college kids.


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