Bros. BROS.
It has been a while since I dropped in here to talk to all of you about Franklin & Bash aka Dr. Frankenbash, Esquire aka Bros On Parade and I apologize for that but it is also not my fault because the show was all “We are going to have less sluts and parties and beer crushing this year because we are more serious now” and I was like “THIS IS THE WEAKEST OF SAUCE, BROS.” But last night was the Season 2 finale and even though there still weren’t lots of witnesses with big huge boobs and/or legal problems involving hot tubs there was still DRAMA AFOOT and DASTARDLY DEEDS and also LESBIAN AFFAIRS so it wasn’t all bad I suppose and it is my duty as a very professional television critic to tell you about them and wrap up the season.
Before I start the discussion though I think it would help if I got you caught on everything that has happened since my last recap: Franklin & Bash won a bunch of cases and one time Franklin shot Bash in the balls with a t-shirt cannon which is MAXIMUM LOLS. OK now that you are caught up we can discuss the finale, featuring the one bro from American Pie and double crosses and the bros saving the day AS EXPECTED.
CASE #1 – Sexy Politics and Lesbians
So when the episode started Bash was all “I have to do this thing for this guy I know who was in American Pie and is running for office” and then everyone was like “Oh OK” but then they were all “Hold up bro it looks like you didn’t pay your lawyer dues so now you are temporarily disbarred” and Bash was like “Welp I guess this will be an important thing that happens in this episode” so he had to bring Franklin to the meeting and Franklin was all “LOL YOU’RE NOT A LAWYER NOW HAHA LOL” and then they met with the guy and it turned out the guy wanted to drop out of the race for personal reasons but he couldn’t because his campaign manager was a dick and said he’d sue him for breach of contract if he did because that is how contracts work.
Franklin and Bash met with him again and he was like “OK, bros, here’s the deal: there’s another woman, but it’s OK so let’s take that dick to court” so they did. BUT THERE WAS A TWIST because remember how Bash wasn’t a lawyer because of the paperwork thing? Well the other side did so they called him as a witness and Franklin was like “B-b-b-ut he’s a lawyer and therefore attorney-client privilege and so on” and the other side was all “NOOOOOOPE” and the judge was like “Hmmm. Overruled, bro,” so Bash had to testify AND GUESS WHAT. There was another woman but it wasn’t American Pie bro who was sleeping with her, it WAS HIS WIFE BECAUSE LESBIANS, and it wasn’t just any other woman it was the campaign manager’s WIFE.
WHOA.
Anyway so the campaign manager still wouldn’t let the whole thing die because he was a real bonerface and he was like “Yeah don’t care you still have to run” but Franklin and Bash turned the tables via extortion by taking his words out of context and then LOLing in his stupid face so American Pie bro decided to keep running but only after firing him. BOOM. SUCK ON IT. Oh and also the reason American Pie bro got into the race in the first place was because his primary opponent got caught looking at anime porn which is LOLs of course but it is also DOUBLE LOLS because one time we caught my boy T-Snake looking at that stuff and so now we call him Toony the Perv sometimes in public and he hates it.
Jokes are important.
Case #2 – Partying > Diabolical Business Plans
OK so this isn’t really a case because it is actually about Franklin’s dad who is a big fancy lawyer and also a dickhead trying to buy the firm where the bros work and fire all the secretaries or something. It was pretty confusing because I zoned out for a while because we did gravity bong hits before the episode and I was all “What if Emma Smalls from the soccer team was a mermaid, woulja do her then?” and my bro Cayden was like “You’d drown, bro” and I was all “Good point” but the gist of the situation is that Franklin’s dad needed votes from the partners to secure the deal and Franklin and Bash were all “WE ARE ON THE CASE TO DETERMINE WHO THE TRAITORS ARE.” They did this a number of ways including one where Franklin called up his dad’s secretary and was like “Hey I’m my dad you gotta believe me” and she did so she put him in touch with one of the traitors who was going to vote for the merger because Franklin and Bash never invited him to one of their parties which is A VERY SENSIBLE BUSINESS DECISION.
But then things got serious because it looked like they were gonna lose and get sold and Old Wise Bro called them into his office and was like “Listen. Bros. I only hired you because you do so many shenanigans that no one would want to buy the firm and that’s the only reason I made you partners and I know I was a jerk but I totes need your help” and the bros were all “Well that was a sh-tty thing to do and also OK we will help you” so they got on Franklin’s dad’s plane with all the other traitor bros to go do the vote BUT they went all Franklin and Bash and turned the plane ride into a sick rager and all the serious lawyers were like “Maybe I won’t vote for the merger after all because these guys like to party a lot and this conflicts with my serious feelings about life in general” so the sale fell through aka THE BROS SAVED THE DAY BY PARTYING.
Then after they landed and got bailed out for being too awesome in the sky they threw another party at their place and everyone was there, even Dick Lawyer and the guy who was pissed at them for not inviting him before. Wise Old Bro showed up and was like “I know I wasn’t invited but here I am anyway” and the bros were all “[serious faces]” but then Old Bro was like “I’m sorry for being a tool” and everyone was like “WE FORGIVE YOU” and they all presumably lived happily ever after or until next season.
OTHER SH-T AND STUFF
– It’s official, Hot Cop never came back this season. R.I.P. Hot Cop, wherever you are.
– Some dude talked about helping a horse give birth and it sounded really gross so Middle Eastern Bro totally horked into a drawer which is pretty funny but also not an entirely unreasonable response to the situation.
– Franklin has a girlfriend now and she is moving in with them. I predict this will lead to MAD DRAMA next season because girls moving into your bro pad is always trouble. My roommate’s girlfriend crashed with us one time between semesters and she was all “UGH, VIDEO GAMES?” and “This place smells terrible” and “I am going to hang up a shower curtain because that is something people do” and it was THE WORST. Girls just don’t get it, bros.
– Bros. BROS. Did you know there’s a Franklin & Bash soundtrack? I KNOW. I am going to buy it and we are going to play it when we throw the Season 3 premiere party. We’re already talking about renting a hot tub and inviting the gymnastics team. Those chicks are FLEXIBLE, BRO. Which means they are GOOD AT SEX. It’s gonna be sick. I can’t wait.
THE END
