TV

Terry Jeffords Quotes For When You’re A Secret Softie

On a show packed with hilariously realized characters, Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s MVP is Terry Jeffords. Played to charming perfection by Terry Crews, Terry is a softie in the body of a linebacker, a fan of both lavender and going hard on leg day. Terry is proof that even the toughest guy can indulge in his sensitive side, which comes out in his love of yogurt, Taylor Swift, and tea parties.

As Terry Jeffords (and Crews himself) tears down stereotypes of what it means to be a man, it may inspire you to unleash your own love of heirloom tomatoes, romantic comedies, and a good pair of slippers. While society may tell you that men only like meat, beer, and scratching, take a minute to indulge in your softer side. You may not look as good as Terry, but you can still aspire to this kind of greatness. The next time you feel like hiding your appreciation for the finer things, remind yourself of some of Terry’s best quips, and let your comfy flag fly instead.

“I’m playing Kwazy Cupcakes, I’m hydrated as hell, and I’m listening to Sheryl Crow. I’ve got my own party going on.”

While people may assume that you like to go hard, you really just like a little peace and quiet. After the day to day trials of dealing with Peralta’s (Andy Samberg) shenanigans, Boyle’s (Joe Lo Truglio) earnest oafishness, and Hitchcock and Scully’s (Dirk Blocker and Joel McKinnon Miller) dogged attempts to do the least amount of work possible, sometimes Terry needs a little quiet time to recharge, like he did in season two’s “Beach House.” Anyone would! The next time you need a few minutes, be like Terry and indulge in whatever iPhone game you’ve been avoiding and queue up “My Favorite Mistake.”

“I feel like a proud mama hen whose baby chicks have learned to fly!”

Terry expects excellence from himself and from those around him, but ultimately he wants his coworkers to succeed, like during their self-evaluations in “The Apartment.” When they finally do, he’s always the first to congratulate them. It may be easier to act like you don’t care, but you just can’t help it. You’re proud of your friends’ success, just like Terry’s mama hen.

“Well, the fanny one’s deep. I am prepared for any vacation situation. I’ve got a bottle opener, sun screen, inflatable neck pillow. Wait, are we having fondue?”

Some people like to go hard on vacation, cliff diving, exploring, and seeking one thrilling adventure after the next. Not Terry. Terry has enough stress in his job on the police force, so Vacation Terry in “The Beach House” is one chilled out dude. Like Terry, you understand that a truly great vacation is planned out and plushed out to the max. If you don’t have a giant fluffy robe, is it even a vacation?

“We’re having a fancy tea party. I am the king of Origami napkins.”

Between his wife, Sharon (Merrin Dungey), and his twins, Cagney and Lacey, Terry lives in a house full of women. While the average sitcom dad would see this as an excuse to grumble about “being outnumbered,” Terry embraces this aspect of being a husband and father like a true softie. He may have been defeated by putting together a princess castle, but Terry is always down for a tea party. When he mentions his origami skills in “Unsolvable,” you can’t help but take them seriously.

“Or is your favorite artist really Taylor Swift?” — Terry
“(Scoffs) No.” — Jake
“Lie.” — Technician
“Alright, fine, she is. She makes me feel things.” — Jake
“She makes all of us feel things!” — Terry

Love her or hate her, it’s hard to deny that Taylor Swift’s songs speak to the emotional side of nearly everyone. If you find yourself alone in your car belting out “All Too Well” while you cry ugly tears about your last broken relationship, don’t worry. Terry feels you. This is just the power of Taylor Swift. It doesn’t make you weak, it just means that you have two ears and a heart. A lie detector may have uncovered the truth in “Unsolvable,” but deep down, Jake and Terry knew the truth.

“Damn, Jake. You know Terry loves love.”

Some dudes are squeamish about feelings, but Terry has an open heart and a matchmaker’s spirit. While he always conducts himself professionally in the workplace, sometimes he just can’t help but get involved in the love lives of his coworkers. Terry loves a lot of things (lavender, yogurt, push ups), but he might love love most of all. It may not have worked out for Jake and Sophia (Eva Longoria), but Terry was determined to help them out in “Defense Rests.”

“Sir, my life stinks. Sharon’s on bed rest. My favorite mango yogurt got discontinued. And my kids think their preschool teacher’s a stupidface.”

Even though nearly every marketing campaign for yogurt is marketed to women, Terry knows that it’s a great way to get a protein boost during the day. A discontinued favorite flavor (mango in Terry’s case) is no joke, and you just shouldn’t mess with a man’s snacks. This may seem like a small thing, but the emotional comfort a reliable snack can bring to your workday cannot be discounted. His mango yogurt was a constant and he couldn’t help but feel a little adrift without it, even bringing it up at inappropriate times, like in season three’s “The Funeral.”

“I care about my friends. Now eat your carrots, or I’ll rip your tiny head off.”

People show love in different ways, and Terry shows his friends that he cares by encouraging them to care about their health, as he does with Jake in “Chocolate Milk.” Sure, he may have threatened Jake with physical violence, but Terry only means it with love. A healthy diet can lead to a longer, better life, and that’s all that Terry the mama hen wants for those he cares about. If you find yourself forcing your begrudging friends to care about what happens to their body and their future, you will relate to Terry’s sentiments on a spiritual level.

“I’m going to miss the farmers’ market!”

Many guys would consider a day at the farmers’ market one of the upper levels of hell, but Terry likes his locally grown fruits and vegetables, as we hilariously discover in season one’s “The Slump.” There’s nothing worse for your Saturday routine than getting to the farmers’ market and finding it picked over. You just know Terry is a fan of farm fresh eggs, which is honestly a fair reason to get a little heated about being late. Those always go first.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s new season premieres on September 20.

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