TV

The 123 Visions Of The Future From ‘Futurama’ We Hope Come True

In case you’ve been stuck in a cryogenic freezer for the past year, unable to keep up with the ongoings of a twice-cancelled animated show about a narcissistic talking robot threatening to kill all humans, tonight is the final episode of Matt Groening’s Futurama. Again. But this time it’s for real. Probably. Maybe. Definitely. I don’t know.

We’re treating it here at UPROXX as the finale, though — and hoping it is, too. I wouldn’t want to live on this planet anymore if Futurama ever sunk to the bottom of the ocean of mediocrity (I should have mixed my metaphors) that its great-great-great-grandfather, The Simpsons, has been drowning in for seasons. At its peak, Futurama was one of the funniest, smartest, most creative sitcoms on TV, animated or otherwise; I’d put seasons 2-4 alongside anything Seinfeld or The Office accomplished. So, in honor of Scruffy and the Gang, I went through every episode (minus the direct-to-DVD movies and tonight’s “Meanwhile,” obviously) and picked out one vision of the future I’d like to see come true one thousand years from now, if not sooner. Besides an anchovy-less world. That’s a given.

Suicide booths (“Space Pilot 3000”)

A lunar lander with blackjack and hookers, minus the lunar lander (“The Series Has Landed”)

Bachelor Chow (“I, Roommate”)

Nibblonians! (“Love’s Labours Lost in Space”)

A planet where drinking milk is a sin (“Fear of a Bot Planet”)

Light-Speed Briefs (“A Fishful of Dollars”)

Crack vending machines (“My Three Suns”)

Smell-O-Scopes (“A Big Piece of Garbage”)

For all three Beastie Boys to still be alive. Sigh. (“Hell Is Other Robots”)

iZac (“A Flight to Remember”)

Super-intelligent monkeys running broadcast networks (“Mars University”)

To FINALLY be able to watch the last episode of Single Female Lawyer (“When Aliens Attack”)

Slurm, and more to the point, Slurms MacKenzie (“Fry & the Slurm Factory”)

Ayn Rand books in the sewer, where they belong (“I Second That Emotion”)

The colonization of the Neutral Planet (“Brannigan Begin Again”)

Political debates that ask the tough questions (“A Head in the Polls”)

Jewish lobsters that celebrate Christmas (“Xmas Story”)

No moral judgment for those who practice animal/human love (“Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?”)

Two-headed ping pong games (“Put Your Head on My Shoulder”)

A Miss Universe pageant that actually includes the entire universe (“The Lesser of Two Evils”)

A hell for each gender (“Raging Bender”)

My own private studio audience/live laugh track (“A Bicyclops Built for Two”)

Singing and dancing bureaucrats (“How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back”)

Human clones (“A Clone of My Own”)

Sexy mermaids (“The Deep South”)

Little Bitaly (“Bender Gets Made”)

POPPLERS (“The Problem with Popplers”)

RubeVision (“Mother’s Day”)

The Fing-Longer (“Anthology of Interest I”)

A finer temporary residence for the less fortunate (“The Honking”)

Insta-tents (“War Is the H-Word”)

Human picture frames (“The Cryonic Woman”)

Sperm you can ride like a horse (“Parasites Lost”)

DEATH BY SNU-SNU (“Amazon Women in the Mood”)

The Scab Handbook (“Bendless Love”)

ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOAD (“The Day the Earth Stood Stupid”)

Oscar-winning films where someone falls off the White House (“That’s Lobstertainment!”)

Actually, this vision of the future is terrifying (“The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz”)

*sobs* (“The Luck of the Fryrish”)

Hyper-advanced plastic surgery (“The Cyber House Rules”)

Famous Original Ray’s Superior Court (“Insane in the Mainframe”)

The Becktionary (“Bendin’ in the Wind”)

Body dumping sign-up sheets (“Time Keeps on Slippin'”)

Space Pope (“I Dated a Robot”)

An endless supply of deviled eggs (“Roswell That Ends Well”)

Hanukkah Zombie (“A Tale of Two Santas”)

A peaceful resolution to a war lead by General Colin Pac-Man (“Anthology of Interest II”)

An exploding fiery quasar that doesn’t destroy Earth (“Love and Rocket”)

More trustworthy companies with “HONEST” in their name (“Leela’s Homeworld”)

Buggalos (“Where the Buggalo Roam”)

Fire-breathing statues (“A Pharaoh to Remember”)

Bags with “SWAG” painted on the side (“Godfellas”)

Free in-room porn…and NOT boneitis (“Future Stock”)

Blernsball leagues because at least then, the Mets will be entertainingly awful (“A Leela of Her Own”)

A fancier way of saying LSD, something like “The Essence of Pure Flavor” (“The 30% Iron Chef”)

Star Trek churches (“Where No Fan Has Gone Before”)

Civil Defense Vans (“Crimes of the Hot”)

*sobs again* (“Jurassic Bark”)

BenderBrau (“The Route of All Evil”)

A newspaper with “Lobster Trial” on the front page (“A Taste of Freedom”)

Fat, ugly toad/frog/yo mama things (“Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch”)

A criminal mastermind who uses animals as minions (“Less Than Hero”)

New state welcome sign for Florida (“Teenage Mutant Leela’s Hurdles”)

Scooty-Puff, Jr. (“The Why of Fry”)

SPACE BEES…are also something that shouldn’t exist (“The Sting”)

Parallel Universe Box (“The Farnsworth Parabox”)

Crack mansions (“Three Hundred Big Boys”)

Lower-horn remover (“Spanish Fry”)

The Nation of Joe (“Bend Her”)

Cartridge Unit (“Obsoletely Fabulous”)

Whatever this video game is (“Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television”)

Holophonors (“The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings”)

Build-a-Bot Workshops (“Rebirth”)

Chambers of Understanding (“In-A-Gadda-Da-Leela”)

I just wanted to use this GIF (“Attack of the Killer App”)

Transgender robots (“Proposition Infinity”)

A Machina Magnifica, to make ice cream with (“The Duh-Vinci Code”)

BABY BENDER (“Lethal Inspection”)

An Earth populated with babes…and me (“The Late Philip J. Fry”)

High-kicking hyper intelligent cats (“That Darn Katz!”)

To be able to say “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” and move to a different planet (“A Clockwork Origin”)

Pig ice cream sundaes (“The Prisoner of Benda”)

Video Game: The Movie, or Movie: The Video Game (“Lrrreconcilable Ndndifferences”)

Mutant Devo (“The Mutants Are Revolting”)

Robot oil wrestling (“The Futurama Holiday Spectacular”)

Gender-swapped calenders (“Neutopia”)

A team of robots to light my cigars (“Benderama”)

Ghost toast (“Ghost in the Machines”)

Cybernetic oracles who can see the future, possibly named Pickles (“Law and Oracle”)

Interactive hiring posters (“The Silence of the Clamps”)

SpongeBot SquareBolts (“Yo Leela Leela”)

A new Gadsden flag (“All the Presidents’ Heads”)

The ability to travel to the fourth dimension (“Möbius Dick”)

Fishy Joe’s (“Fry Am the Egg Man”)

Simpsons jaundice (“The Tip of the Zoidberg”)

The near-extinction of the common cold (“Cold Warriors”)

Chicken lawyers (“Overclockwise”)

Fish-eating loudspeakers (“Reincarnation”)

MORE BABY BENDERS (“The Bots and the Bees”)

Tiny arms to play the world’s smallest violin with (“A Farewell to Arms”)

Lions with remarkable penmanship, at least for a lion (“Decision 3012”)

Centaur celebrities that flash their naughty bits (“The Thief of Baghead”)

More cantina bands (“Zapp Dingbat”)

Butterfly Derbies (“The Butterjunk Effect”)

Astounding Tales of Doing It (“The Six Million Dollar Mon”)

Giant sloths (“Fun on a Bun”)

“Spark” (“Freewill Hunting”)

The Near Death Star, for virtual retirement (“Near-Death Wish”)

Stormtrooper outfits for the everylobster (“31st Century Fox”)

A room only for charts (“Viva Mars Vegas”)

Eh, screw this episode (“Naturama”)

A porn drive with more memory than the average porn drive (“Forty Percent Leadbelly”)

Pimparoos (“2-D Blacktop”)

For someone to finally put that no good E.T. in his place (“T.: The Terrestrial”)

Marmoset pajamas (“Fry & Leela’s Big Fling”)

Sexier firefighters with sexier moves on sexier firepoles (“The Inhuman Torch”)

Purpleberries (“Saturday Morning Fun Pit”)

Science turned into a hardcore cult so gradually, I didn’t even notice (“Calculon 2.0”)

Robot kegs (“Assie Come Home”)

More cartoon crossovers that actually make sense (“Leela and the Genestalk”)

Stylish rickshaws (“Game of Tones”)

Robohuman hybrids (“Murder on the Planet Express”)

Emilia Clarke as a florist who falls in love with me (“Stench and Stenchability”)

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