The Boys are anti-capitalist kings and queens, working day and night to destabilize the corrupt corporation Vaught and its supe team The Seven, all from a stuffy, large loft in the Flatiron building that the CIA pays way, way too much money for.
The titular Boys from Amazon Prime’s The Boys never would have found each other as friends. In fact, most of these characters kind of hate each other and just put up with it because they’re all they’ve got. In honor of the season three finale out this week, here are all of the members of The Boys (and two of the women who are integral to their misfit operation), ranked from best to most best because none of them are the worst.
Hughie Campbell (Jack Quaid)
Sorry to this man. Hughie’s placement at the bottom of the ranking does not mean I hate Hughie or that Hughie is bad: it’s just an indication of how beautiful all of these boys are. Hughie is tall and has an impressive, unending collection of band tees. Hughie is the normie of the crew, and his humanity is a necessary quality that grounds The Boys.
Starlight (Erin Moriarty)
Starlight’s entire narrative arc is the embodiment of “never meet your heroes.” ”The optimistic and passionate Midwesterner has changed the most throughout the course of three seasons, but her objective remains the same. At the beginning of the series, she’s a supe who achieves her dream of being in The Seven. Her optimism quickly turns to cynicism when she’s immediately exposed to the true, horrific nature of the corporate-run team. But despite learning everything she thought she knew is a lie, Starlight still fights for good, which is why she risks her life every day as a mole within Vought, feeding information to The Boys. Frankly, it’s very rude that she isn’t an official Boy yet because being Homelander’s co-worker is the bravest thing anyone on this show is doing.
Kimiko (Karen Fukuhara)
Kimiko is not a boy, either, but she is the most important member, and she can, respectfully, snap my neck at any time (but only if she wants to do it). When we were first introduced to Kimiko, she had a barrier around herself and now she smiles and daydreams musical numbers inspired by Old Hollywood films. Butcher uses Kimiko as a weapon due to her abilities, but the more she’s used as a weapon for missions, the more she resents her abilities and the more she hopes for a normal life free of violence and supes. Kimiko also deserves credit for softening up Frenchie throughout their romantic relationship.
Billy Butcher (Karl Urban)
Billy Butcher is the ultimate “but I can fix him” boy of The Boys. Vengeance is his oxygen. Killing Homelander is the reason he gets up in the morning. Crumbling the capitalist superhero empire Vought drives him. Against fall foliage in his oversized coat and combat boots, Billy Butcher is the most attractive character in television history. Unfortunately, Butcher’s cynicism makes him cruel, selfish, rude and extremely violent, with little to no empathy. Underneath it all, he has a teeny bit of warmth deep inside his cold, black heart that activates at opportune moments: Butcher will always, in the end, save Hughie for example, and he will almost always do it while wearing an iconic printed shirt. If Butcher were a little nicer to his friends and allies, he’d be the number one boy.
Mother’s Milk (Laz Alonso)
If Butcher is chaotic evil, Mother’s Milk is chaotic good. Both Boys are driven by their hatred for Supes, but Mother’s Milk actually (mostly) prioritizes family and loved ones, and thinks before he acts violently. In doing so, M.M. is the most grounded Boy, and holds the group together even though Butcher loves to think he’s the leader. M.M. also has a T-shirt collection that rivals Hughie’s, and he styles it even better with a gold chain and his leather jacket, which I would like to make into a blanket. Hughie is trying to be as cool as M.M., but that’s impossible.
Frenchie (Tomper Capon)
Frenchie is the Kendall Roy of the boys in that he is the number one boy. But unlike Kendall Roy, sweet little Frenchie has skills including making supe killing weapons and making pastries. The former hitman who feels very bad about it might be extremely impulsive, but that’s only because he is a deeply empathetic person who reacts with feeling rather than knowledge. When Frenchie is sad, I am sad. When Frenchie is happy, I am happy. When Frencie is in a predicament, I am freaking out.
