We may be living in the worst, weirdest timeline, but every now and then there a perk to a brave new world that’s random and makes no sense. For instance: There’s an amusing, possibly not ominous trend afoot in which joke products from old TV comedies have suddenly materialized on actual supermarket shelves. Last week, Bob Odenkirk was horrified to learn of “Mayomust,” a new Heinz condiment eerily similar to “Mayostard” and “Mustardayonnaise,” competing products from a classic fake commercial on his and David Cross’ ’90s HBO program Mr. Show.
Now, as per Slate, there’s “Malk.” Remember “Malk”? It’s from the 1996 Simpsons episode “The PTA Disbands,” and it’s the budget-conscious version of milk sold in the Springfield Elementary cafeteria amidst a budget crisis. Even with newly added ingredient Vitamin R, it’s not a very good substitute; Bart even notices that unwittingly consuming it has left his bones brittle, prone to deafening cracks.
In other words, why would anyone want to buy Malk? Well, partly because of novelty, the way Simpsons heads can buy cans of Duff beer. But also because this real world version of Malk is actually better for you than boring old milk. Its ingredients include organic almonds and Himalayan salt, and its flavors include pecan and cashew.
https://twitter.com/MALKORGANICS/status/928812759944441856
Apparently companies still do listen to white males age 19 to 49, which is why we can only assume “Nuts and Gum” will be hitting shelves soon.
(Via Slate)
