These Links Grow A Mean Beard

Danger Guerrero here, kiddies.  Lotsa links, and a couple jokes I recycled from my Twitter.  Let’s dance.

Oh noes there’s a learnin’ in mah funny. A feature I wrote titled, “A Guide to the Bill of Rights.”  It’s informative AND funny, like a textbook about farts. [Uproxx]

That sucks. How’s her voice? Former American Gladiator Storm is homeless. [AOL News]

Ay yo the sun don’t shine forever, but as long as I’m here, I might as well enjoy the weather. Diddy will guest star on “Hawaii Five-0.” [TV Guide]

They forgot about the dinosaur. There was a dinosaur, right? The cast of “Lost” as Disney characters. [The HD Room]

Hey Liz Lemon, this girl is little. Like my mini-sharkpig, or the amount of respect rappers have for women. Chloe Moretz will guest star on “30 Rock.” [PopWatch]

DOUCHE WAR! A solid breakdown of the “Glee” vs. Kings of Leon feud. [Atlas Rocked]

More links after the jump, as well as a GIF of an impatient Kelly Kapowski in a hot tub.

Yeah, you’re a naughty room, aren’t you? Just How Dirty Is Your Hotel Room. [Uproxx News]

… aaaand I’ll be doing this all day. Exclusive Film Drunk interview with Isiah Whitlock, Jr. (Senator Clay Davis of “The Wire”) on the legacy of “Sheeeeeeeee-it.” [Film Drunk]

LOOKATME LOOKATME. Here’s a post I wrote for Film Drunk last week elaborately breaking down the basketball scene from 3 Ninjas.  I’m shameless. [Film Drunk]

Unrelated: Did you realize the first verse of “Informer” by Snow ends with him getting an anal cavity search? Six out of print hip hop albums that we needed yesterday. [Smoking Section]

Well that sucks ass. Spiderman’s past as a human centipede. [Gamma Squad]

Also, for being so fat he wheezed while eating lunch. Packers fan fired for zero judgment. [WithLeather]

I have no idea what this means. Because I am cool. A look at the first MMO’s of 2011. [G4]

Semi-related: I’ll never understand guys who like butts more than boobs. Call me crazy, but I like body parts that don’t have a hole in the center that sh-t comes out of. Playboy’s Jaime Edmondson’s Ultimate NFL Football Gear Gallery. (A little NSFW) [Playboy]

NO NO, DON’T GET MAD KELLY. I’m all done posting for the day! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE.

*Some of you may want to point out that this scene is from “90210,” and therefore it isn’t technically a Kelly Kapowski GIF.  You can bite right into an anthrax lemon, because she’s ALWAYS Kelly Kapowski to me.