Every episode of The Simpsons from seasons four, five, and six can be considered a “classic.” But sometimes “classic” isn’t a strong enough word: “Marge in Chains,” “The Boy Who Knew Too Much,” and “Bart vs. Australia,” for instance, are all wonderful episodes, but even they’re a slight step below “Marge vs. the Monorail,” “Last Exit to Springfield,” and “Homer Goes to College.” Maybe it’s a controversial choice — like saying the so-called “Golden Age” extends to season 12 — but I’d group season six’s “Itchy & Scratchy Land” into this next-level “classic” group. It’s certainly quotable enough.
“All right, we’re here. Now let us never speak of the shortcut again.”
“We’re now approaching our final destination, Itchy and Scratchy Land: the amusement park of the future where nothing can possi-blye go wrong. Uh, possibly go wrong. That’s the first thing that’s ever gone wrong.”
“No, my son is also named Bort.”
“Attention, Marge Simpson: we’ve also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.”
Those all came from the same glorious episode that first aired on October 2, 1994. The Disneyland parodies are obvious — the noon robot parade followed by the 12:05 robot parade; the Itchy lot versus the Scratchy lot; the lightly attended Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land — but John Swartzwelder’s monumentally funny script also spoofs another piece of pop culture that, coincidentally, also debuted on October 2: Westworld.
Of course, Swartzwelder had no idea that HBO would make a Westworld TV show, although I wouldn’t put anything past the genius who gave us “Krusty Gets Kancelled.” But he was aware of the movie it’s based on. Released in 1973 and starring Yul Brynner and James Brolin, Michael Crichton’s Westworld is about a futuristic Western-themed amusement park where guests interact with lifelike but harmless androids. Naturally, things go horribly wrong, because Crichton never came up with an idea where chaos doesn’t reign.
The famously reclusive Swartzwelder doesn’t appear on the commentary track for “Itchy & Scratchy Land,” but then-showrunner David Mirkin, voice actors Yeardley Smith and Dan Castellaneta, director Wes Archer, and creator Matt Groening do, and they’re quick to talk about how much Westworld inspired the episode. “It’s Jurassic Park, [it’s] Westworld,” Archer says, ’cause we have chaos theory, which then leads us into a Westworld type situation.” The amusement park robots are programmed to only violently kill each other for the blood-sputtering amusement of the human guests (“This is so much like my dreams, it’s scary,” Bart gasps in awe). That should sound familiar to anyone who watched the Westworld pilot.
The idea for the robots to turn evil came from “sitting in the room,” according to Mirkin, “and figuring out what the problem was and, you know, having seen Westworld, the idea, we knew they were gonna go insane and how were we gonna step them.” In the movie, the most dangerous robot, the Gunslinger, is stopped by [SPOILER ALERT] fire. On The Simpsons, it’s the flash of a camera that short-circuits the evil Itchys and Scratchys. Before the robots take over, though, a team led by Professor Frink tries to fix the sentient problem. The laboratory (which doubles as the detention center where Bart and Homer are being held as “political prisoners”) is a long, antiseptic corridor based on the real-life subterranean Disneyland jail that, according to Mirkin, screenwriter Crichton was aware of. “Westworld was written by people that were knowledgable that there was an underground land below Disney.”
So, what can this episode tell us about the future of HBO’s Westworld? For one thing, Jeffrey Wright’s character should always make sure to carry the one. That’s the only way to prevent elementary chaos theory, which “tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving.” Also, Anthony Hopkins needs to carry more BORT license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, more BORT license plates in the gift shop.
Follow those rules, Westworld, and nothing could possi-blye go wrong.
