This Week On CBS’s ‘Zoo’: A Winged Hellbeast Threw A Car Off A Cliff!

Plenty to get to in this week’s episode of Zoo, which remains television’s best show about an animal uprising that was thwarted by a gas that sterilized the human race and left everyone fighting for their lives against a collection of lab-made hybrid beasts who may or may not be controlled by an evil genius that we just discovered is the main character’s secret long-lost sister, but first, this: At one point early in the episode, two of the characters (Jamie and Clementine) tried to catch-up a third (Mitch) on everything that took place when he was in a coma for the 10 years between seasons two and three, as well as everything we’ve learned in the first two episodes.

It was hilarious. It was exactly like what happens when I try to explain the show to people, right down to the person on the other end being like “Wait, what?” It was also more proof that Zoo knows exactly what it is and exactly what it is doing.

And now, your highlights, separated as always with simple, straightforward descriptions.

Mitch discovered a science thing in his brain so he guided Jamie and Clementine through DIY brain surgery that involved car batteries and a live pig

A few relatively important notes regarding this development:

– Jamie, who, in the 10-year time jump between seasons, as we’ve discussed and will continue to discuss until it stops delighting me completely (so, forever), went from a blogger/reporter to a billionaire author who is a leather-clad vigilante at night and tortures hostages with a cattle prod on the high-tech multimillion-dollar government jumbo jet she also apparently learned to fly, is an amateur brain surgeon now, too. She is easily my favorite character on television right now. Every show could use her.

– This was not Jamie’s first foray into emergency medicine. Last season she jump-started an evil general’s heart using cups filled with electro-charged demon ants. Doesn’t really matter anymore because that general is dead and the ants have been replaced by bloodthirsty hybrid creatures, but still. Wanted you to know.

– When Mitch noticed the science thing (which I will continue calling a “science thing” so I can get to the evil flying hellbeast GIFs without first spending three paragraphs explaining who the Shepherds are and why their defective bio gizmo ended up in his head), he instructed Jamie and Clem to get him “four car batteries, commercial grade Velcro, some lollipops, and a pig” for a procedure to try to remove it.

– Mitch is a veterinarian.

– They showed up with a live pig in the next scene and refused to explain how they acquired it.

– The lollipops were just because Mitch like lollipops.

Zoo is the greatest.

Jackson and Logan went searching for another hybrid and found one in the form of a screeching winged hellbeast that emerged from the ground and proceeded to throw their goddang SUV off a cliff

Nope. Not gonna explain this one either. Just gonna post this GIF…

… and then this one…

… and remind you that this lab-made hybrid murderbird is part of the same family of creatures as the armor-plated wooly rhinoceros from the premiere. Zoo is going hard on the CGI this season. I’m so excited to see where it ends up. I hope there are flying alligators or something.

Abraham and Dariela went searching for their abducted son and the evil CEO of the science company showed up and offered to give the kid back if they turned over Clementine and noooope I’d rather tell you about how Jackson was able to stay hidden for a decade thanks to a friend who is apparently the greatest computer hacker in the entire world

Remember last week when I was confused about how it took people 10 years to discover that Jackson was using a fake identity in Oregon when a simple Google search would have turned up dozens of images of him? Well, it turns out his new girlfriend was curious about it too, after he tried to come clean. This was his explanation.

“A friend of mine created a virus that poisoned every search engine. When you look for a photo of me, it’s replaced by a doctored image.”

Somehow, in an episode that featured a futuristic dinosaur heaving a car off a cliff and a billionaire author/vigilante doing a brain operation that required Velcro and a live pig, this was the thing that made me stop and say, “Oh, come on.” Says a lot about me, but it says A LOT about Zoo.

Everyone ended up in Mexico and whoops it was a trap set up by Jackson’s secret sister and now the hellbeasts are attacking yesssssssss

Jackson’s secret sister, who has been organizing the hybrid attacks in some fashion and is on a rage-fueled killing spree for reasons that are still mostly unclear, lured most of the team to a house in Mexico, where they were surprised to be reunited. Moments after this, though, a loud whirring started and a signal was sent out and…

This is how the episode ended. The winged hellbeasts dive-bombing into the ground around the house, presumably to burrow up from underneath. Zoo had to do a lot of explaining early on to get us here, and bless the show’s beating mutated animal heart for squeezing in the action it did in the process, but it looks like things are finally about to get wild. The promo for next week’s episode shows these things flying around New York City. I am very much here for that.