We’ve seen a teaser, a teaser for the trailer, a trailer, and now this, the first clip from Twilight: Breaking Dawn, part one of Stephenie Meyers’ world famous Snorkels the Vampire Fetus saga. In this installment, Edward and Bella return from their wedding and flirt, as foreplay for their bed-breaking, feats-of-strength-filled, supernatural abstinence sex. Are you excited??? SO AM I!! Let’s just get straight to the clip and the captions, because god dammit, these retarded Mormon vampire sex clips are like Christmas for me.
AH NOW PRONOUNZ YEW MR. AND MRS. BALLA!
HERE WE ARE BALLA. TAKE OFF SHOES, AH SPARKLE YEW.
SPARKLE ME, ADWARD. SPARKLE ME LAIK ONE OF TEH VAMPAHRS.
LOOK AT MAH CABIN BALLA. I COMEZ FROM TEH FAMBLY OF WALTHY VAMPAHR. BUT WHEREFORE TEH PLACE I SAX YEW?
GO BALLA. FIND YEW TEH SAX BED. YOUR HOSEBAND SPARKLE YEW WITH TEH VAMPAHR BABBY.
OH ADWERD. IZ LAIK TEH SPARKLE BED FROM BALLA DREAMZ. IT HAZ TEH CURTAIN! YEW SAX ME HERE.
YES… IZ SAX TIME MISS BALLA. BUT… ARE YEW SURE YEW CAN’T HAZ TEH SLEEP?
NO, ADWERD. BALLA NOT TIRED. MAKE SAX TO ME.
I SPARKLE YEW, BALLA. I WANT VAMPAHR SAX BALLA DESERVE. BUT… I HAZ NERFZ.
DON’T BE NERFUS, ADWERD. GO. BALLA CLOSE EYES. PUT VAMPAHR SAX TO BALLA HAND.
OH ADWERD. IZ LIKE TEH VAMPAHR SAX FROM TEH DREAMZ. OHHHHH BALLA NEEDZ TEH TUMS.
Okay, so those last two shots weren’t actually in the clip, but I thought it needed it for the catharsis.