Like your favorite stripper, Avatar looks fantastic, but the story feels cliché (you’re a single mom, you dropped out of high school, your neighbor molested you when you were seven, blah blah blah this is me playing the world’s smallest violin in your underpants). We’ve thrown around lots of comparisons, from Dances With Wolves to Ferngully, but none have seemed as damning as this rewrite of Disney’s Pocahontas from a guy on Reddit calling himself Matt Bateman. I haven’t seen Pocahontas nearly recently enough to confirm whether all his plot points are accurate, but I assume they are because it’s less work that way. Maybe I’ll rent it and watch it with my girlfriend. She likes Disney movies almost as much as she likes drinking from a sippy cup.
[thanks to Trey G for the tip]