Dane Cook responds to chainsaw-sexed-a-whore gate

Last week, I told you about Dane Cook’s allegedly disastrous drop-in set at The Laugh Factory (a story the AV Club broke), in which he discussed how he’d “chainsaw f*cked a disgusting whore’s c*nt,” and was derided for his “misogynistic, cruel, and arrogant” set by a number of fellow comedians, notably TJ Miller. I rarely trust other people’s accounts of comedy, or of disgusting whores’ c*nts, but with three or four other comics saying essentially the same thing, it seemed credible. And yeah, comics can be jealous and bitchy, but they’re also reliant on one another for shows and don’t usually talk about other comics bombing during drop-ins, at least not publicly.

Well now Dane Cook has issued his response (via LaughSpin), which you can read below. SPOILER ALERT: It’s not that funny, but probably not deserving of hatred, and everyone’s going to hate it.

“I’m back in the stand up octagon after a year off. I’m deeply inspired by various artists I admire. Certainly my friend and one of the great ones Patrice O’Neal passing away has fortified my belief that we, as comedians, all need to share and explore our souls up there — and sometimes our perspective on the whimsical minutia — in order to grow as artists and people.”

“I’ve always felt that comedians can’t be critics. They can be critical onstage, but it’s impossible to be both an artist and a critic.”

“That said, I’m thinking T.J. Miller, the A.V. Club and I go on a road trip this weekend. I know a terrific spa in Ojai. Hydrating facials, doubles tennis and a killer 50-minute Expectant Mother’s Massage. My treat. Since I’m really quite rich.” [LaughSpin]

Comedians can’t be critics?!? COMEDIANS CAN’T BE CRITICS?!? (*starts editing resume*) How DARE you, Dane Cook. I REFUSE TO BE PUT IN A BOX! I stood by while you mixed power tools and vaginas, but I’ll be DAMNED if you keep me from mixing insightful analysis with my observations about airline food and why hurricanes don’t never be named after sistas. Ugh, I can understand why you feel that way though. The way you feel about comedians vs critics is probably similar to the way I feel about people whose comedy I enjoy vs. people who talk about about needing to share their souls.

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