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A Celebration Of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Best Lines, Written As A Romantic Comedy

By 07.30.14
Arnold's Big Rom Com

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Arnold Schwarzenegger would probably love nothing more than to keep making action films for as long as we’ll still let him, but at the ripe, young age of 67 on this very day, that’s not going to be much longer. Sure, a lot of us love watching him and Sylvester Stallone team up with a ragtag group of killing machines in The Expendables franchise this late in their careers, because it reminds us of how much fun they’ve provided for us over the last 30+ years. But at some point, we just can’t take it seriously anymore, since it’s kind of like watching our dads or even grandpas trying to act like tough guys while waiting to be seated for an early dinner at the Olive Garden.

That doesn’t mean we’re ready to see Arnold pack it all up, though. I just think that it’s time for him to start exploring new roles in other genres that will allow him to keep acting well into his 70s, 80s and ultimately 130s if those stem cells do their damn jobs. Take Robert De Niro, for example. After a while, he realized that working on critically-acclaimed films one after the other would eventually get old to us, so he started mixing in goofball comedies like Rocky and Bullwinkle and Last Vegas to keep things fresh. Now, whenever he feels like it, De Niro is more than welcome to return to making good movies. Arnold would be very wise to start mapping out his own similar late-in-life career path, and I think that I have just the project for him.

One of the best films of Arnold’s career was the unorthodox, mixed bag romantic comedy Twins, which gave us everything from Action Bad Ass Arnold to Ladies’ Man Arnold, while also allowing him to show off his comedy chops. So I thought what better way to help Arnold into the next phase of his career than by writing a RomCom for him, while using all of his best lines from all of his action hits, going all the way back to 1982’s Conan the Barbarian? In fact, here’s a little sample of Hasta La Vista, Baby, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Trent Hammer, for studios to consider. Bidding starts at $10 billion.


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