When he isn’t busy hyping obscure sci-fi flicks and little-known superhero franchises, Kevin Smith records podcasts. But when he ISN’T podcasting, he…well…he smokes weed (or “vapes that herb, you gaylord,” as my nephew Brayden likes to say directly to my face like I’m not a grown man worthy of respect). But when he’s finally done doing those things, Kevin Smith makes movies. OR DOES HE?
It looks like Kevin Smith’s plans for “Clerks 3,” which he initially wanted to start shooting in May, have been derailed.
Smith told Screen Daily that The Weinstein Company, who own the rights to the franchise, passed on the sequel.
“[The Weinsteins] passed,” Smith said. “I went in with a $6 million budget and they were like, ‘Oh no, Kevin. This is too high.’ Bob offered us distribution, but they weren’t going to finance it.”
Holy lord, how are your negotiating skills this bad? You were sitting across from the people who bought ‘Scary Movie 5.’ They said yes to Simon Rex, Kevin. SIMON REX. I even heard that that pitch meeting was briefly interrupted when Harvey Weinstein spotted Kat Williams out the window, sprinting around the parking lot, shitting into sunroofs. And they STILL financed it. I mean, Jesus Christ, when you hear “I’m going to have to pass” from an executive who put his faith in Dirt Nasty, that’s a sign from a merciful God that you need to stop making movies.
In the meantime, the writer-director is already working on a spinoff to his upcoming horror movie “Tusk.”
Or, whatever, just plow forward in defiance of God Himself. You’re like Icarus, except you’re not allowed to fly.
“Like ‘Tusk,’ [‘Yoga-Hosers’] sprang out of a podcast,” Smith said. “There are two characters in a convenience store in ‘Tusk’ that you see for five minutes, very much Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I’ve built a whole movie around them and I have brought one of the other characters from ‘Tusk’ back.”
I don’t even know what to say to this, Kevin. I really don’t. Your project announcements are basically indecipherable at this point. But, yeah, Yoga-Hosers, sure. WHY THE F*CK NOT? It might just be the kick in the jorts that your career needs. For all I know, Senators Riff Raff and Bubb Rubb will be struggling to pronounce that title when bestowing you your f*cking Oscar two years from now.
I give up.