If you’re unfamiliar with our feature “Metaphor Time, With Tyler Perry,” it’s where we focus a spotlight on just what household object or mundane life event Tyler Perry is using as a metaphor for proper Christian livin’ this week. In the past, he’s used a story about digging wells on his palatial estate as a way to tell people to “keep diggin,” and turbulence on his private jet as an allegory for flying above the clouds of temptation in your Jesus-fueled jetplane. Your particular “jetplane” could be a bike, a bus, a bad relationship, a Hyundai or an Iron Lung, depending, because that’s how metaphors work. I mean, you guys get it.
This week’s Tyler Perry metaphor? Golf carts. You know, the kind you use to get around the multi-million studio lot with your name on the front gate.
We have some golf carts at the studio. We use them to run around the campus, getting actors from here to there and so on. But the thing that bothers me the most about them is that when you put them into reverse a beeping alarm goes off. And it doesn’t stop until you go forward. It is so annoying to be in the middle of a shot, when I need it very quiet, to hear that beeping noise. I wanted the facilities guys to disconnect the reverse alarm but I was told that they couldn’t because it is a safety measure. The alarm is there to let people know that you’re about to go backwards.
I want to make fun of him here, but I can’t, because I too hate the reverse alarm. Why would you need a reverse alarm on an 800-pound golf cart but not a 5,000-pound car? It makes no sense. They should be banned, along with loud motorcycles, car alarms, and Danny Masterson.
I walked back to my office thinking about this and this thought popped into my head: wouldn’t it be great if we as humans had an annoying alarm that made a loud continuous beep when we are about to go into reverse?
Oh, I see what you did there, you scamp. Speaking of which, I was watching some shows on DVR the other day and I was thinking to myself, “Hey, you know what else could use a stop button? WOMEN’S MOUTHS! BOOM!” (*air golf swing*)
When we’re about to look back, like when you’re about to pick up that phone and call an ex that you know is no good for you, wouldn’t it be great if that alarm went on and stayed on until you hung up the phone? Wouldn’t it be great for all the people around you to hear that alarm so that they know you are about to go backwards and bring up some old crap? I think husbands and boyfriends would love that… LOL.
Wait, what are you LOLing for? Did a man dressed in women’s clothes walk by?
But seriously, there are a lot of people who are living their lives stuck in reverse, alarms going off, beeps beeping very loudly, but they can’t get it out of reverse.
Phew, for a second there, I was worried this wasn’t going to turn into a life lesson. TELL ME HOW TO LIVE, TYLER PERRY!
You know these kinds of people, the ones that nobody wants to be around because they can be so annoying, always dwelling on the past. Full of “I wish I had done this” or “I wish I could have done that”. These kinds of people are sad to me, not focusing on the beauty of today, they’d rather dig through the ashes of yesterday.
Live in the moment! Don’t sit around thinkin’ ’bout the past! If your golf cart reminds you of Jesus, you sit your behind down and write your fans an email about it. #YOLO.
Listen to me, you can’t change anything that you have done in your past, all you can do is go forward. No matter how many mistakes you have made, no matter how many things you have done wrong, you have got to move forward. That is your past and there is no future in it.
And the only way to move forward is to ask for forgiveness from the people who you have hurt and wronged. Whether they forgive you or not you must ask… sorry that’s just the way it is.
Well this took a weird turn. I don’t know about this asking-for-forgiveness business. My mama always taught me that living like a golf cart means never having to say you’re sorry.
If you don’t you will continue to reap bad things from what you have done to them, even if they don’t forgive you. You will have the power to be free because you asked for forgiveness. And secondly, you must forgive yourself. Forgiveness is the key that can move your life forward… and turn off the reverse alarm.
Ohhhhhhhh, forgiveness is the KEY to the golf cart. I get it now. I was worried this wouldn’t all tie together. I’m sorry for ever doubting you, Tyler Perry. In fact, I’ve taken your advice and have now removed reverse from my golf cart altogether. Now I can ONLY go forward.
(*drives golf cart through loop, pulls up at ex-girlfriend’s house with box of condoms*)
Am I doing it right?