Sundance Film Festival 2011, a fake recap

(Click through to see what Kevin Smith likes to eat. Picture by Dave Chen from /Film)

RECAPS AND EXCLUSIVE REPORTAGE FROM PARK CITY, UTAH!

THE STANDING IN LINE HERE IS INCREDIBLE!  Truly, you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the line standing here.  The lines in Utah are so much cleaner, crisper, more refreshing than you’ll find in the city.  They move with a humbler, more hardworking (yet relaxed) vibe than you find in our go-go, dog-eat-dog city lines.  Everyone should try to make it out to Utah to stand in line once or twice a year, just to stay grounded.  If you’ve been on the fence about it, take it from me: do it.  You’ll be glad you did, I promise.

In the past few days, I’ve seen a few movies, drank too much, and hung out with a who’s who of stars from the movie blogosphere.  Past Frotcast guest Laremy of Film.com cornered me in the bar at the Yarrow hotel late one night, downing scotch after scotch and regaling me with stories of the many women he’d bedded and the countless men to whom he’d delivered severe beatings for “maddogging me in the line at the Quizno’s.”

He bought me a beer, then asked me if "I partied," while tapping his nostril. Whatever that means.

Later that night, I ran into awkward Josh Horowitz from MTV Movies Blog outside James Franco’s party at the Playboy Lounge, which neither of us could get into.  I knew if MTV’s cuddliest video blogger couldn’t get in, I had no shot.  What happened inside?  Did Miranda July and Emily Deschanel go butt to butt during a private screening of Dicknose in Paris?  I can’t confirm, but I’d say it’s pretty likely.

After that, Josh kept trying to convince me to help him light a drifter on fire. When I wouldn’t, he just walked away, fiddling with his butterfly knife and huffing spray paint from a paper bag.  Don’t let the sweaters fool you, that motherf*cker’s crazy.

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