This Week in Posters

Senior Editor
11.22.11 41 Comments

Oh this is just great. I love what you’ve done with it. I love how you got every member of the all-star team in there, complete with explosions and as many guns as you could cram in there. Give them what they want, am I right? And great work on the names too, the way it’s just one name per person, it really drives home the point that they’re all such legends that– WAIT! WAIT A SECOND, STOP THE PRESSES, THESE POSTERS ARE ALL WRONG! IT’S GOING TO NEED TO BE REDONE! We can’t move forward with this! What it SHOULD say is, “Stallone|Statham|Li|Lungren|Norris|SOME CHICK|Van Damme|Hemsworth…”

Alas, poor A-Brode, I knew him well. If he was guilty of any crime, it was brooding too much.
What is it about closed eyes that makes a person seem complex and tortured? My eyes are closed a lot. Because I like to nap.
This is the first of four weird graphic posters for Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, starring Nic Cage and directed by Armond White’s favorite filmmakers, Neveldine and Taylor. As SlashFilm puts it:

Sony has gone “different” with the marketing, too, shying away from traditional character one sheets in favor of a few bad ass graphic representations of Johnny Blaze’s alter-ego, Ghost Rider.

Either that or they’re just trying to save money. You know how much ink it takes to print Nic Cage’s forehead alone? As much as he spends on snake venom and dinosaur skulls, at least.
[poster via JoBlo]
I like it as a t-shirt.  I don’t know if I’d call it a “poster” though. Kind of looks like a Black Flag album.
[poster via JoBlo]
Holy shit, is Brian Grazer in this?
Now we’ve gone from t-shirt design to velvet painting. But hey, kudos for trying something different, I guess. It kind of reminds me of the weird Polish posters.
I think Hugo Cabret looks great and the early reviews have come back overwhelmingly positive, so it’s a bit of a disappointment that they still did the diagonal thing with the posters.
Oh, this is disappointing. When you’ve got a hot chick like Chloe Moretz, don’t cover her up with a bunch of baggy clothes and stupid hats, sex her up a bit! …Aw, crap, did I type that out loud? FORGET EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE! THIS WEBPAGE DOES NOT EXIST! (*throws laptop out window, checks peephole for Chris Hansen*)
Aw, I know Dobermans (Dobermen?) are supposed to be scary, but really I just want to give him a hug. He looks like he could use a buddy. I could be that buddy. I’m a great friend, especially if you’re a dog.
Awwww, yeeeeah, Special K knows what’ll make you feel better, how about a mustache ride? By the way, is that the man in the moon taking a nuclear warhead to the eye socket back there? That’s extreme. I thought this movie was for kids.
A movie starring the Octomom? No way in hell I’m looking this one up. I don’t know who’s grosser, her or Michelle Duggard. How is it illegal to sew up someone’s vagina? It shouldn’t be. There’s something so disgusting about her. I think it’s that her overstuffed collagen-injection lips remind people of her swollen, banged up vagina.
This is kind of the crappiest poster design ever, but that makes it intriguing. It’s a smart idea. As a side note, all it would take to make this an inspirational Christian movie poster is a bright sunset in the background. Something about bright sunsets really make it seem like Jesus loves you.
If you’ll remember, this is the film Todd Phillips produced using all first-time actors. It’s a good poster, but his fashionable clothes make me feel really old.
This is an Asian poster for Puss in Boots, and it’s one of the most Asian looking things I’ve ever seen. I don’t even think that’s the main character. It’s like someone just said, “Hey, y’all Orientals like cats with big eyes, right?”
If you’ve actually seen Shame like I have (review coming soon), you know that’s Michael Fassbender admiring his own giant penis. As well he should.
I still can’t get over the fact that they’re still trying to make a separate movie called Spy vs. Spy. Or how completely idiotic this entire premise is. Here’s the trailer, by the way. The war is against the viewer.
I bet Eddie Murphy was all like, “PLEASE DON’T PHOTOSHOP MY FACE BEYOND RECOGNITION– mmmph! mmm! fffph! mmpp!”
They just slapped that title tape right across his face mid-sentence. Poor bastard. He can’t hear you now.

A Thousand Words. If only someone involved had said that all-important one, “No.”
Uh oh, I know what it means in movies when someone puts their hand up to their temple like that. I saw it in X-Men. I think it means someone’s about to get assbent.
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I’ve seen the movie and I don’t even know who that big guy in the foreground is supposed to be. I assume he represents evil? Cool dog though.
Jason Reitman is awesome and I’m hoping this is great, but that seems like a really shitty, reductive tagline. Also, if they wanted to represent her not growing up, they should have her pulling down her pants to show that she’s all shaved down there. Because she’s trying to act immature, you know? Okay, maybe it wouldn’t have made sense, but you have to admit it’d be pretty cool, seeing her snatch like that.
[All posters via IMPA unless otherwise noted]

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