Weekend Movie Guide: Re-Live The Greatest Volleyball-In-Jeans Moment In Movie History

Bump, set and spike my crotch, am I right?

Opening Everywhere: Identity Thief, Side Effects

Opening In IMAX: Top Gun

FilmDrunk Suggests: Rex Reed says that by paying for a ticket to see Identity Thief, you’re supporting America’s problem with obesity. He also says that your mom is “built like a brontosaurus dick” and that she “lubes with mayonnaise”. His words, not mine. So go see Channing Tatum in Side Effects.

“I won’t be your wing man, and now I’m going to have sex with a woman.”

Top Gun: An IMAX 3D Experience

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 53% critics, 80% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“There are elements that hold up – especially Cruise’s blinding charisma. The aerial scenes are still thrilling, and perfectly suited to a giant screen. Everything else? Well, that depends on how nostalgic you’re feeling.” – Elizabeth Weitzman, NY Daily News

“Whether you love Top Gun or hate it — or hate yourself for loving it — the fact is that when it became the top-grossing film of 1986, Hollywood in its infinite wisdom took all of the worst lessons from its success and overlooked what made it so… fun.” – Chris Nashawaty, EW

Armchair Analysis: Yo, check it out, I’m gonna be real for a second – Top Gun is an awful movie. From start to finish, and only excluding Val Kilmer’s awesome jaw click, Top Gun is simply terrible. We live in a country full of people who love to revise history and point out how people who we once believed were heroes were actually villains, so I’m going to do the same with this bad film. But check it…

IRON EAGLE WAS THE MOTHER F*CKING JAM!

/slides cassette into player strapped to leg, flies off

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