Yesterday, the news broke that Michael Bay had said some ridiculous things about his production company’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action reboot being directed by the Battle Los Angeles guy. Michael Bay saying ridiculous things shouldn’t be a surprise, but in this case he said the mutant turtles would be aliens. But not just any kind of aliens. These aliens be wisecrackin’ scamps y’all. But most of all, they’ll be “edgy”, a word whose meaning has been so diluted that Hollywood can safely apply it to any product and still pretend they’re promising something.
Here’s what Bay said earlier this week:
When you see this movie, kids will believe one day that these turtles do exist, when we’re done with this movie. These turtles are form an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.
Yep. That happened. Aliens. Edgy aliens. Not surprisingly, enough people complained that Bay took to his official site last night to respond to criticisms:
Fans need to take a breath, and chill. They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of Ninja Turtles to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.
As BleedingCool points out, the original creator involved is “absolutely not” Peter Laird, and Kevin Eastman has said he’s seen the script. Mind you, “seen” it. Not wrote it. Not sure how this qualifies as “working closely” with the creators, but okay. Also, “richer world” is a euphemism for “more explodey”. Awesome.
Making this whole thing weirder/funnier is the “news” that the guy who “voiced Michaelangelo in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies is FURIOUS with Michael Bay.” TMZ spoke with voice actor Robbie Rist, who posted a letter to Bay saying, among other things, “You probably don’t know me but I did some voice work on the first set of movies that you are starting to talk about sodomizing.” In addition to accusing Bay of sodomizing a turtle — I have excellent reading comprehension — Rist also accused Bay of that old stand-by, the “rape of our childhood memories”. Sodomy? Rape? Dude, it’s the Ninja Turtles. Chill. It’s not like he’s reusing the Vertigo soundtrack or a Nirvana song.
But it isn’t just Michaelangelo who’s angry. All the turtles have registered their shock: