You might want to put down that sandwich before reading this. At right is the least disgusting picture we could find.
Colitis is a swelling of the large intestine. It’s painful, it causes cramping, and it gives you, well, the thunderturds. If you’re really lucky, you just poop more often. If you’re unlucky, put it to you this way: make your peace with your maker, because no amount of Immodium will save you.
Anyway, colitis cases are increasing in the First World, which explains a lot about airport bathrooms, and scientists have found a suspect: saturated fats.
Essentially, saturated fats can change the balance of bacteria in your stomach. They’re hard for your system to take apart, so the liver churns out more bile. Bile is high in sulfur. Most bacteria hate sulfur, but some love it, knocking the balance out of whack.
It doesn’t make those bacteria aggressive, but it does cause your immune system to freak out, seeing the imbalance as an infection, and then you spend most of your day screaming in agony on a toilet.
Basically, stop eating fried Oreos for breakfast and drinking whole milk, and that will probably help substantially.