Hey guys, next week is E3 and hoo boy is it exciting! Or at least it would be in a world where most of the big stuff hadn’t been announced beforehand and numerous major publishers weren’t sidestepping or outright skipping the event. But hey, some interesting stuff could still happen! Right?
Hit the jump for my E3 predictions along with odds on how likely it is each prediction will actually happen (you know, for our valued degenerate gambler readership)…
- Microsoft’s promised 15 Xbox One exclusives actually exist! (1:1)
- All 15 are either a) Kinect dancerize games, or b) first-person shooters (1:1)
- Contrary to popular belief, the slot on the front of the Xbox One is for credit cards, not game discs. (4:1)
- Also, the Xbox One won’t make use of old-fashioned, last-gen “electricity”. Instead it runs on used games and old consoles, which must be crushed into a fine powder and then deposited a tray in the back of the system. (10:1)
- Microsoft will announce the only “select retailer” you can buy and sell used Xbox One games at is Crazy Larry’s Discount Gameporium, conveniently located near the Interstate mere miles from Nampa, Idaho! (10:1)
- Rare shows off a new Killer Instinct game! (20:1)
This or a new Grabbed by the Ghoulies. Either would be cool.
- If the above happens, odds that the game is a Kinect-powered tower defence game or something… (2:1)
- Microsoft successfully manages to spin the Xbox One bricking your system if you don’t check in online ever 24-hours as a consumer benefiting “feature”. (10,000:1)
- Both Microsoft and Sony’s conferences end with half-hour long Call of Duty: Ghosts presentations. (1:1)
- Sony debuts a new trailer for The Last Guardian… (10:1)
- …then announce it’s release date as “holiday season 2018″ (10:1)
Look forward to The Last Guardian, exclusively on the PS5!
- Sony finally lets us see what the PS4 looks like! (2:1)
- For five seconds before a sweat-soaked Mark Cerny runs onto the stage, commands the audience to avert their sinful eyes, stuffs the PS4 down his pants and runs off stage. All PS4s on the E3 show will be hidden inside tasteful velvet “modesty sacks”. (3:1)