And because we are mature, professional individuals, here’s an entirely relevant video:
Via The Mary Sue, Reddit, Sanwe Medical Equipment Co., and Team Submarine.
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"The ‘Automatic Sperm Extractor’ (Handjob Robot) Is Coming To Chinese Hospitals"
Does the machine also play certain sophisticated films for adults while extracting elements from a certain part of the body? I am researching on behalf of the highly esteemed University of Cumbridge.
No, it doesn’t. IT’S THAT GOOD.
If that screen replays that Emily Ratajkowski clip over and over, this may be Man’s greatest invention!
Well played, Robots. You found a way to defeat us without violence and bloodshed. I would fight back, but it’s extraction time again.
That machine needs a wider base.
A flatter top to hold your beer or cocktail.
And a smaller slot, jeez, am I supposed to stick my arm in there? What? No one else had that complaint? oh, nevermind then.
I was thinking cupholder (Big enuff 4 a 64 oz’er – rite!) and some sort of clip or stand for your tablet. Then I realized that I was overthinking the design of a handjob machine.
H-Mac, You may need the ‘Asian’ version.
We may be facing vaginal extinction.
I’m more worried about the opposite. Women rise up, enslave men, force us into hard labor, stick us on these things, reproduce as they see fit.
Actually I don’t think it would be all that awful.
Death by snu snu?
Those silly scientists. You can’t get sperm from a finger. Wait, you stick your what in there?
This needs to be attached to Charlize Theron in the new Max Max: Fury Road movie.
At first, I thought it was just out in the open at a hospital in that video, and I thought that seemed odd.
DVD? Everyone knows Blu Ray won the format wars due to porn. Get with the times, Sperm Extractors!
The Beatles were formerly known as the “Sperm Extractors”. I think in Hamburg.
R2D2 in drag.
So you’re saying there’s a little person in there–making the “magic” happen?
One dick at a time? How inefficient. Ill wait for the tip-to-tip model that can account for girth, dick to floor height and can interchange dicks mid stroke
+1 Silicon Valley
They’re still working out the hotswapping bugs.
I would prefer a monogamous relationship with my sperm extractor.
Joe Sinclitico’s dream come true! Billy is gonna go get robo-fucked.
They need a seat that eats your ass out.
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