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Bad Robomance: Three Times The Transformers Tried (And Horribly Failed) To Get Romantic

By 06.23.14
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Sea Change

No, the Beck album with the mostly comprehensible lyrics is not about Transformers, as awesome as that would be. Instead this is an episode about a Transformer getting turned into a mermaid, the general incompetence of the Autobots, and how in the ’80s you could probably buy psychoactive chemicals in vending machines in Hollywood.

To start with, this entire episode depends on the Autobots basically being completely moronic. It starts with Seaspray intercepting a distress signal, sent by a Decepticon from a planet of mermaid people. The Autobots can’t figure out it’s from a bad guy, so they respond, with Seaspray, Bumblebee and Perceptor going along. Optimus would come too, but he can’t fit in the spaceship.

Seriously.

Anyway, there’s the usual fight for freedom, Megatron being a douche to his subordinates, and, of course, Seaspray getting a roboner for a mermaid. Seriously, that’s the thrust of this episode. She doesn’t return his affections, giving him the “I love you as a friend” speech on the edge of a whirlpool that will supposedly destroy him if he jumps in, because robots don’t have souls. So he commits suicide. See for yourself:

Walking into that pool turns him into a human with robot legs and the same weird gargling voice, she turns out to be able to use the magic whirlpool to also turn into a Transformer. And then they fall in love and sail off into the sunset, ignoring completely the implication in this episode that Transformers have souls.

So, remember kids, when faced with the fact that someone you love doesn’t love you, you should kill yourself. Also when the can opener dies, it goes to heaven. Why didn’t we just give up on the ’80s? None of this, though, tops the single most embarrassing and kind of disgusting manifestation of the Transformers franchise.

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TAGSbrain bleachRomancethe 80sthings that got horribly wrongtransformersyou've seen it you can't unsee it

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