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Russian Scientists Fire Gecko Orgy Into Space, And Now Can’t Find It

By / 07.25.14

In the heavens above us are a plurality of wonders, vast untapped oceans of exploration and joy if we will just dream of living among the stars. Also, there’s out-of-control lizard humping, thanks to some Russian scientists!

This is one of those rare occasions where the headline really says it all. The Russian Institute for Biomedical Problems got approval, recently, to study how zero gravity affects animal reproduction in space. So they got a bunch of species, plant and animal, including five (now presumably more) geckos and sent them into orbit. Then, the satellite stopped working for some reason.

Yes, the whole “gecko orgy” thing was completely intentional, although why you want to research this is completely beyond our grasp of modern science. Somehow we suspect the grant proposal came about because a researcher bet another one they couldn’t get somebody to pay them watch lizards do it in space.

Anyway, this is actually pretty bad news for the geckos; if control of the satellite isn’t obtained, they won’t re-enter the atmosphere on schedule and may starve to death.

On the other hand, if this doesn’t happen, they will have died making love screaming around the Earth at 17,000 miles per hour. Few of us will be so lucky as to die so well.

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