If You Liked ‘Chronicle’, You May Tolerate Michael Bay’s ‘Almanac’

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Entertainment Editor
10.08.12 4 Comments

“Michael Bay” and “found footage” are two things I don’t want in a movie, ever. To quote Bay’s muse Shia LaBeouf, “No no no, no no no no.” And yet, Michael Bay and his Platinum Dunes are making “a top-secret found-footage project” with Paramount. Almanac will be directed by first-timer Dean Isrealite, who is the cousin of Jonathan Liebesman, the guy Michael Bay chose to direct the horrible-sounding Teenage Mutant alien Ninja Turtles remake.

Not a lot is known about the film, but sources tell us it’s very much in the vein of Chronicle except with time travel instead of superheroes. […] Found footage movies are no-brainers in Hollywood. They’re cheap, profitable, potential franchise starters with very little risk. Worst cast scenario, the film takes a hit at the box office and eventually turns a small profit on Blu-ray. Best case, it’s an international smash and you can make more, cheap sequels. (Chronicle, Paranormal Activity, The Devil Inside, The Last Exorcism, the list goes on and on). [/film]

This is why we can’t have nice things. If you’re going to sell me a found footage, time travel movie called Almanac, it better involve Marty McFly and sports betting. And it’s only found footage because they’re using the shaky-cam as an image stabilizer for Michael J. Fox.

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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