An Old Nintendo Guide Divulges Yoshi’s Real Name, Reveals Mario Isn’t Human, And More

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Entertainment Editor
08.07.14

Pages from a Nintendo character guide published in 1993 have surfaced on Twitter thanks to Blake Harris, the writer of Console Wars. The five pages tipped to us by Kotaku include odd trivia about Mario characters which was distributed to licensors so they’d better understand the characters before using their image.

Perhaps the most interesting to us was this sentence: “Yoshi, properly known as T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, had been held captive in an egg until Mario (homo nintendonus) bopped along and rescued him.”

Yep, Yoshi’s real name is T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, and Mario isn’t even homo sapiens. No wonder he was able to inhumanely drop his buddy Yoshi to his death in order to jump a little bit higher.

We also learned Princess Peach Toadstool’s magic power is… doing laundry? “The daughter of the Mushroom King led a charmed life until the Koopa’s [sic] invaded. She wields the power of white magic which, apart from being the only hope for the reanimation of the Mushroom people, keeps her elegant gowns starched and clean even in Bowser’s dark and filthy dungeon.”

Yes, one of the few playable female characters in Nintendo’s early years used her powers not to escape her captor but instead to keep her pretty dresses starched. ಠ_ಠ

Harris also tweeted a personality profile of Mario:

“He treats anyone and anything with dignity and respect.” Except turtles and goombas. F*ck them and their ilk.

Also, this personality profile failed to mention Mario’s crippling mushroom habit…

mario-mushrooms-arrest

ruined childhood

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When not writing for Uproxx, Caleb likes to volunteer at the legless cat shelter and photoshop the Babadook into all of his family photos. He once resolved the question “To be or not to be?” through the clever use of General Semantics. Your mom thinks you could be more like him if you only applied yourself.

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