Predicting EA’s Next Justifications For SimCity’s Always-Online Requirement

By: 03.29.13  •  7 Comments

…pants on fire EA. 

EA and Maxis have given us a lot of reasons why SimCity absolutely needs to be connected to the Internet, most of them ridiculous and/or blatantly false. First the game was using cloud computing to run its simulation! Then it was actually an MMO! Gamers have roundly rejected these explanations, so what’s it going to be next? I predict EA and Maxis’ next excuses after the jump…

– EA hates DRM so much we’ve decided to concentrate and contain it all within a single game in order to keep our other games safe from its blight.

– SimCity’s simulation is so advanced your city’s inhabitants are actually living, breathing entities. It would be cruel to deprive them of Internet access. The whining of the Sim teenagers alone would drive you crazy.

Is this what you like? Is this your thing you sick f–cks?

– The sewage your Sims produce is also real, and will quickly fill up your computer unless it’s drained via your Internet cable. Come on, who wants Sim poop on their motherboard? Is that what you’re into sicko?

– Okay, the Cloud isn’t actually required to make the game work, but gosh, we see a whole lot of potential in our little Cloud and think the sky’s the limit if we encourage it now. So how ’bout we all just pretend, okay?

– Sorry, it’s not an MMO. It’s uh…an online FPS! Yeah! Zoom in real close and you’ll see. Chaos in the streets! Bodies everywhere!

Mr. Scrufflebutt is hanging on by a thread guys…a thread.

– While we can’t elaborate on the hows and whys, we can confirm that a puppy will die if SimCity’s always-online requirement is removed.

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