You Will Lose All Respect For Emperor Palpatine When You Learn His First Name

10.16.14 3 years ago 85 Comments
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Lucasfilm/Disney

As we all know, Disney is rebuilding the Star Wars expanded canon from the ground up. Everything is changing! People have new names! And some of those names really should not be appended to the greatest evil of the Star Wars Universe!

Like, for example, Emperor Palpatine. In the upcoming Star Wars novel, Tarkin, and we’ll remind you that Disney has made it clear everything they’re putting out now is canon, Emperor Palpatine has a new first name.

Is it something badass? Something unusual? Does it have a vague sense of menace about it? What has been decided as a name so apt, so perfect for a ruthless politician and commander of Lord Vader?

It’s f*ckin’ Sheev. He’s Sheev Palpatine. It doesn’t even make sense on a dumb-joke level, since he dies being tossed down a shaft. At least then there could be an ’80s action movie one-liner retconned into Return of the Jedi. “Hey, Sheev! Live up to your name!”

Why not just call him Melvin and get it over with? Seriously, out of all the made-up names in the Star Wars universe, you went with Sheev? Even Futurama gave its powerful aliens better names! What’s next, they call Vader “Dark Helmet”?

Via io9

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