It’s time for auditions in Colorado, which should be a little snowy but will not feature an airplane hangar. Darn it! I just hope we get to see Steven ski. That would be worth it.
8:00 p.m. EST Finally, “American Idol” is getting away from it all. By going to Colorado. I’m not sure how everyone in Colorado feels about this designation, as Ryan has made an entire state sound like a remote corner of nowhere, but okay.
8:01 p.m. p.m. The “Idol” family is going on vacation in the mountains. Except they’re not going on vacation. But they are going to Aspen. They make snowballs. And Steven has a good vibe.
8:03 p.m. Jenni Schick(24) is overly energetic and teaches music to grade school kids. And she thinks Steven Tyler is gorgeous. She’d also like to kiss Lady Gaga and Adam Levine. So would her boyfriend. I think Jenni needs to take a closer look at her relationship. She’s singing Pat Benatar’s “Heartbreaker.” She misses a few notes, but she’s strong. She gets three yeses and she may kiss Steven, because Randy said so. Steven follows order. Quick, girl, get an anasceptic.
8:09 p.m. A clip montage. Oh, wait, one clip is important. Curtis Gray is a singer in a five-piece group, and of course he can sing, and even though he looks like someone who’d belt out some Creedence Clearwater Revival, he applies his talents to Boyz II Men. And does it remarkably well. Three yeses.
8:12 p.m. Montage! Richie Law has an extremely deep voice for a guy who looks like a bit like a pipsqueak. Devan Jones can hit some impressive high notes. Mathenee Trego has a breathier quality but he does have range. Still, weakest of the three. Doesn’t matter, because they’re all going to Hollywood.
8:13 p.m.Tealanah Hedgespeth has a sister. And her twin sister is her best friend. Even though she’s sick of people telling her how great her sister is. This is her chance to shine alone! She sings “Bring Me Some Water.” Oops. She can’t really sing. Great. Randy tells her she’s funny. She smiles, as she doesn’t realize this is his way of breaking up with her. Steven tells her she needs to listen to a recording of her voice. Steven says no, Jennifer says no, and Randy says no. We also see a clip of Tealanah singing with her sister — who seems to have a stronger voice. Oh, I feel so sorry for Tealanah. Back to the shadows, girl.
8:22 p.m. Haley Smith loves nature. She has three jobs. And she’s a vegetarian working in the meat department. She seems very hippy. She’ll be singing Rufus and Chaka Khan’s “Tell Me Something Good.” It seems to be a good audition, except that Slingbox craps out and so you’ll have to fill me in.
8:32 p.m. Shelby Tweten credits singing for helping her through, I think, bipolar disorder (Slingbox came back in the middle of this, so apologies if that’s not accurate). Anyway, she sings, and Jennifer gets weepy. Randy thinks she’s fearless as a singer. Big yes from Jennifer, big huge yes from Randy. They don’t even bother with Steven, but he loves her, too.
8:38 p.m. A montage of lousy auditions. Some joke avalanche footage. Ha, ha. Because they’re in Aspen!
8:39 p.m. Jairon Jackson will be performing his own song, “So Hard.” And wowza, he can really sing. The song isn’t bad, either. Randy thinks he’s ready for the charts already. And I can’t disagree. That was strong. Three yeses. He gets so excited his pants almost come down. I hope he makes it into the top, just so he can work with a costume designer who will burn those awful denim shorts of his.
8:46 p.m. Angie Zeiderman wants to open for Lady Gaga and be her best friend. She sings… something. Okay, I don’t know this song, but it’s a show tune. Maybe from “Gypsy”? Anyway, I don’t think the judges do, either. But it’s about showing the boys your birthday suit. The thing is, she can sing. But Randy hates show tunes. He’s ready to kick her to the curb. Jennifer quickly intercedes and asks her to sing something else. She chooses “Blue Bayou,” and she really does have a gorgeous voice. That changes Randy’s mind. Randy just couldn’t see past the show tune. Really, Randy? It was pretty apparent she could sing, my God. Three yeses. Remember when there used to be actual disagreements on this show and the people auditioning didn’t automatically know one yes meant three yeses? Ah, those were the days.
8:54 p.m. It’s party central in the audition room! But the party pooper is Magic Cyclops from Davenport, Iowa. Where he picked up an English accent. No one talks to him because he looks scary and homeless. He’s a master of air guitar. He will not reveal his age, because it’s not polite to ask a lady her age. I kind of like Magic Cyclops. He sings Neil Diamond and Jimmy Buffet, and not horribly, really. But Randy is appalled. Randy has to go to the bathroom. Magic Cyclops launches what seems to be a confetti firework, and everyone leaves, dismissing him as joke. Which he is, but Randy didn’t have to be so cranky about it.
Tomorrow night, “American Idol” heads to Texas. And it seems the judges actually disagree about something! Shocker!
Did you see anyone you liked? Do you think Aspen yielded some promising talent? And would you have voted yes or no on Angie?