Recap: ‘America’s Next Top Model’ – ‘Lori Goldstein’

03.10.11 7 years ago

The CW

So long, Nicole. We”ll see your high-fashion spreads in Women”s Day and Redbook soon enough, gurl. For the remaining contestants, it”s makeover time. But because this is Tyra, we can”t just say that. We can”t just say hey girls quit shrieking and get in the TyraMobile and sit still for six hours while we build up your coif with hair from some poor anonymous girl in India. No, we need to come home to a big old curtain tassel that must be pulled! While shrieking! A scrim drops down listing all the makeovers in store for the girls. One transformation threatens to be “manly, short brown spikes,” and Sara hopes it isn”t her. Poor girl already has a rat tail.

[Full recap of Wednesday’s (March 9) “America’s Next Top Model” after the break…]
Dominique confesses that her confidence wanes whenever Mr. Jay starts barking at her, and so she hopes her makeover will give her confidence. Monique is already in tears over the possibility of getting a Mia Farrow. And Jaclyn is apparently the only southern woman who doesn”t want blond hair.
The girls arrive at Prive, where Laurent D. will style them and a guy named Troy will shoot them. Brittani”s hair gets hacked to above her shoulders, and she gets blunt bangs. Jaclyn is confused to see curlers in her hair, but she”s OK with just bigger curls. Monique gets more hair, not less. Sara, however, is stuck with the manly man hair to go with her manly man face.
Bossy Alexandria gets up in hairdresser”s face to say, that they”re, like, doin” it wrong. Dominique gets red hair to go with her freckles, and she squeaks that she doesn”t like it.  But it looks gorgeous; too bad she can”t rock it during her shoot.
Molly”s hair requires an outside weave specialist who makes her look like a mermaid had a baby with Kim Carnes; She is understandably cranky. Mikaela gets basic black straight hair, making her eyebrows look more dangerous than ever. Kasia gets wavy long locks to match her curves. Dalya ends up looking gorgeous with longer hair, too. Hannah gets everything lightened, and it”s pretty, albeit in a very commercial and conventional way.
As annoyed as Molly is, it”s Sara who feels like she had the worst luck: “”I feel like dirty Smeagol in the corner trying not to be jealous.”
TyraMail! “Tomorrow you”ll learn all about photosynthesis!” 
The girls are taken to a ranch. Pamela Hanson will photograph the girls, and Lori Goldstein will style them in high couture. No bees this time, but plenty of sting is in the offing, because the girls are going to be photographed in groups. 
“Pammy, a little John Galliano never hurt anybody,” Goldstein says. (Recapper”s note: Cringe.)
Molly is feeling “beaten down” by her hairstyle. She”s shooting with Kasia, and the two eventually get into a groove. Molly appears to dominate her photo despite Kasia”s, er, advantage in the volume department.
Alexandria proves to be so high maintenance that the hair guy makes faces behind her back. Monique is her photo partner and she”s equally pouty. The fashionistas appear unamused. 
Mikaela and Sara get on well together, but they don”t know how to pose together. Sara analyzes too much, and the fashionistas don”t know what to do with her. She stands like a robot invader from the 60s.
Brittani and Hannah look too fake trying to laugh, and Mr. Jay calls them out on the fakeness. Natually Brittani ends up weeping instead. 
Dalya, Jaclyn and Dominique are put together, but Dominique is so uninspired, and uninspiring, that he says he would crop her out if he could. More tears. 
TyraMail death mail! A skeleton in the TyraMail! Elimination! Oh no! With any luck, the girls will be rid of Alexandria, who does not know how to open her mouth without letting a bark come out. Then again, as soon as she stops barking, she takes great photos and looks just like Rachel Williams. 
At panel. Goldstein is the guest judge. 
Monique and Alexandria are up first. Neither upstages the other, but the eye is drawn to Alexandria. Alexandria is scolded for being a diva off camera.
Brittani and Hannah also earn praise. Hannah has the broken-down high-fashion body pose mastered early in the competition; duly noted.
Dalya and Jaclyn look great in the three-shot, but, as predicted, Dominique is called a “shrinking violet.” Her piece of the threesome is a total fail. Mikaela looks asleep; Sara is meh.
Molly gets two things: A promise that Tyra will do something about the mermaid hair, and a rave review, as does partner Kasia.
So who goes home?
The callout: Alexandria — with a warning to shut her face — followed by Molly, Brittani, Kasia, Jaclyn, Hannah, Monique, Dalya, Mikaela.
Bottom two: Sara and Dominique. Sara gets verbally slapped for not seeing the obvious potential in her high-fashion face. Dominique is essentially, overall, hopeless, and she”s sent home.
Next week, Tyra brings the fire as the girls are, literally, set aflame for a fashion show.

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