Recap: ‘Big Brother 11’ Sunday – The rise of Darth Ronnie

07.19.09 8 years ago


Okay, I knew full well that Darth Ronnie had developed into quite the weasel from Daniel’s last posting, but I don’t think it was possible for me to fully grasp what a total dirtbag this pasty, boneless blob really is. On the one hand, I’ll give him credit for playing the game with Machiavellian grace, but on the other I will so make fun of him for getting excited about a “Legally Blonde: The Musical” DVD. That he didn’t even have the common sense to be embarrassed about it makes me question how far he’ll be able to take his Darth Ronnie routine, because such a complete lack of understanding social cues suggests he’ll eventually be caught on the wrong side of a lie, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking. But seriously pal, don’t be such a chick.

[Full recap of Sunday (July 19) night’s “Big Brother 11” after the break…]

Thankfully, a few doubting Thomases did emerge in Laura and Casey, who are smart enough to realize something stinks in Darth Ronnie’s underwear drawer but are so incredibly stupid they feel comfortable blabbing about their suspicions while the guy is HOH. Really? That’s a good idea? Couldn’t wait, oh, maybe a week before blurting that out?

Of course, they aren’t the only dumb bunnies to emerge this week. Michele, who seems awfully thick for a stinkin’ neuroscientist, actually tells Chima she voted her out, which inspires Chima to go all ghetto on her ass, giving journalists a good name across the country (for the record, I have never gone all ghetto on anyone’s ass, as I it would just be way too silly-looking to be effective).

Laura, on her single-minded mission to get evicted, tries to recruit Michele onto the Darth Ronnie is Evil train, then explains Darth Ronnie’s sinister plot to Jeff, who is apparently a little slow or simply smart enough to keep his ideas to himself. Later, Darth Ronnie walks in to sprinkle doubt like fairy dust through the room as well as throw his favorite target, Michele, under the bus. Personally, I think he’s picked Michele as his punching back because he’s so damn jealous of a brain who actually has a brain, as he’s simply a video game geek with none of the smartypants that usually comes in the package, so hopefully this will be one of his little plots that backfires.

Darth Ronnie next pays allegiance to the athletes, where Russell and Jessie get all hot and bothered about their new best friend. Russell is just tickled pink that the world’s biggest dork has emerged as an evil mind twister, although I still suspect in the real world he’d give Darth Ronnie a wedgie and shove him in a locker when no one was looking.

Laura, having gotten through to Jeff about Darth Ronnie, spills her guts to Chima, who promptly tattles to, you know it, Darth Ronnie. How soon can Chima get tossed out of this game, because she’s so thoroughly despicable she’s not even fun to hate anymore.

Next, Darth Ronnie shows off his HOH room, pictures of his not-quite-as-dorky wife but highly dorky “Molly kitty.” Then, wiping away his tears, he gets all fired up about his “Legally Blonde: The Musical” DVD and a giant bubble wand, which clearly makes Casey and some of the other guys throw up a little in their mouths.

It all becomes a little too much for Casey, who that evening makes a point of calling Darth Ronnie a liar. Darth Ronnie, who is looking more salamander-like with each passing show, wiggles his pale, Jell-O like belly and accuses Casey of acting suspiciously while quietly painting a big ol’ target on Casey’s chest.

Can I just say how much I hate Darth Ronnie’s way of announcing news to the house? Dude, you’re a goober who watches girly musicals voluntarily. Don’t try to be a frat guy. Doesn’t work.

Anyway, we next move on to the luxury challenge – a chance to see a screening of “The Ugly Truth.” Never before have I seen grown men get so excited about seeing a fluffy date movie, which really tells you how much it sucks to live in a house without TV, Facebook, Twitter or even radio. Jessie looks like he’s going to wet his pants with excitement, which I’m pretty sure he doesn’t usually do about Katherine Heigl movies.

To win a seat at this all-important screening, the housemates must answer questions about each other, which really just seems like an opportunity for everyone to dress up in stupid costumes and subject us to seeing Darth Ronnie in a gold bikini, which is fundamentally wrong. Chima takes an opportunity to call Jeff stupid, which further cements her spot next to Darth Ronnie on the Most Hateful Housemates list.

Dan, the winner of “BB 10” hosts, which seems to be just a gimmick to piss of Jessie, who lost to him. I’d get into more detail about the contest, since it took up so much air time, but it’s just so inane I figure wasting your time as well as mine just doubles the insult, so let’s not. In short, Casey wins for the boys’ team and Chima wins for the girls’, which bums Casey out as he’d rather get a boot to the head then spend time with Chima, but hey, it’s still a two-hour ticket out of the house.

Then, Casey and Chima must pick the team to eat gruel for the week, and Chima picks the populars and bullies Casey into going along with her. Yes, she’s a dream, isn’t she?

A few moments are devoted to Casey making fun of Jeff’s inability to say “bully,” which everyone but Jordan thinks is hilarious. Jordan admits she thinks a Northern accent is sexy, then busts out a pretty good Noo Yawker imitation.

But that’s the end of the fun and games. Then, it’s all about pleading to the Dark Lord to be saved from the chopping block. Laura and Jeff beg, but it’s no good. Darth Ronnie, after explaining to everyone he’s playing strategically (duh) nominates them both, explaining he hopes Russell will be the one to go home through the backdoor. 

After the elimination, Russell admits he doesn’t trust Darth Ronnie, and he really shouldn’t. But I can’t help but think Darth Ronnie’s evil game playing may just get him into trouble sooner than he thinks.

Do you think Laura or Jeff deserve to go home? Are you that excited about “The Ugly Truth”? And do you think Darth Ronnie is brilliant or just a big old weasel?  

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