Ranking the ’50 Shades of Grey’ casting possibilities based on shirtless photos

10.16.13 4 years ago 6 Comments

Now that Charlie Hunnam has dropped out of the “50 Shades of Grey” movie, the search for the perfect actor to play Christian Grey is back on. A list of names has been floating around, that includes Alexander Skarsgaard, Garrett Hedlund, Jamie Dornan, Christian Cooke and Theo James. And then there’s fan favorite Matt Bomer, who currently has more than 88,000 signatures on an online petition to try and get him cast as Christian.

I’ll be honest here and say that I know very little about several of these fellas, but I do have access to Google Images, and I know a thing or two about judging a man by his naked chest. And hey, it’s “50 Shades of Grey” — shouldn’t the role of Christian be given out solely best on pectoral musculature? Here’s how I ranked the 6 casting possibilities based on shirtless photos of each:

1. Jamie Dornan

Oh my… Jamie Dornan is so manly. Can’t you totally see him flopping his Anastasia down onto the bed and handcuffing her to the post in one fluid motion? Look at those thighs and try to argue with Jamie as the top choice.

2. Matt Bomer

The fans are not wrong, Matt Bomer is a foxy fox! But a gentler sort than Jamie Dornan, which is to say he would use the fuzzy handcuffs.

3. Garrett Hedlund

Garrett’s generous chest hair has secured him the coveted 3rd-place slot in this list. I mean, just imagine all the kinky shit that can be done with that happy trail. It could be braided, or spiked, or use as stimulation in sex acts I am too modest to lay out.

4. Alexander Skarsgaard

Alexander is, of course, one of the more well known choices, and anyone who’s seen a single minute of “True Blood” knows that he can play the sexy, tormented, shirtless guy extremely well. However, I have to ran A.S. in the middle is because it would be super jarring to see him rip the dress off a woman who is not Sookie Stackhouse.

5. Christian Cook

Christian Cooke looks generally unremarkable sans shirt, and therefore gets the boring 2nd-to-last place spot in this ranking. Nice pout, though. If this were a ranking based on pouts, Christian would fare much better.

6. Theo James

Look, I’m sure Theo James has a lot to offer — as an actor and as a bare chest who’s given lines of dialogue, but I simply cannot see past those shoes.

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