WARNING: This post will contain spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, particularly the fate of Luke Skywalker. If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read this post.
If you’ve seen the original Star Wars film, you know that young Luke Skywalker likely has a lot in common with the younger, emo Kylo Ren from The Force Awakens. But what about Luke Skywalker from the most recent Star Wars adventure? How has he been passing the time out there on his beautiful island where he’s been hiding from “the dark side” of The First Order.
Well if you guessed that he’s posting on Twitter, you’re clearly deranged. You’re correct, but you’re also deranged. Seek help. For the rest of us, we can peek in at the inner thoughts of the exiled Jedi master thanks to this Twitter account. Sure, he’s not so lonely now — which you know if you’ve seen the film — but thirty years of thoughts can keep this account moving.
Dad lost his arms & legs & fell in lava
He kicked ass for another 23 years
I ran after one student went bad
I hope Dad can’t see me now
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
Being a hermit is a tough job, but someone has to do it
Actually, no one has to do it
Why am I here?
Wish I thought of that 20 years ago.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I'm the only Jedi left in the galaxy.
That's a lot of pressure.
The other Jedi all got out of it by dying.
That was very selfish of them.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I made a new imaginary friend.
We had a fight.
Now he won't speak to me.
I am really bad at this.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
Being a hermit is a tough job, but someone has to do it
Actually, no one has to do it
Why am I here?
Wish I thought of that 20 years ago.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I'll never switch to the Dark Side.
I wouldn't mind the evil.
I just couldn't wear that much black.
I sweat too much.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
(LIES!)
Me and Han used to tickle Kylo Ren when he was being a brat.
He peed his pants Every. Single. Time.
Nobody liked that kid.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I used to hate it when people wished me a merry Christmas.
I'm a Jedi.
I celebrate Hanukkah.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I'll tell you why C-3PO has one red arm now.
His gold arm broke, and the red one was on sale.
Not sure why we made a big mystery about it.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
Boy, I sure hope the ghost of Obi-wan shows up with useless information totally unrelated to my current predicament.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
If I died right now, would anyone even notice?
Probably, because I would become a Force ghost and haunt them.
That would teach them.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I levitate a rock.
If other people were here, they'd be impressed.
They'd say, "Good job levitating that rock, Luke."
That would be nice.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I stare at the ocean.
I hate it.
I hate it so very, very much.
I wonder the ocean feels the same way about me.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
To be honest, I spend most of my day grooming my beard.
Look at the results.
Worth it.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
Kylo Ren only went to the Dark Side to piss off his family.
If we were all Sith, he would have a poster of Yoda on his wall.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
Vader saw the emperor shooting me with lightning.
He didn't step in because I was in pain.
He stepped in because he knew I liked it.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
I'll never forget when Obi-wan said those weren't the droids they were looking for.
He told a lie.
He's probably in hell now.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
Kylo Ren, nobody in our family has hair that dark.
We all know you dye it.
And seriously, stop shopping at Hot Topic.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
Whew, Kylo Ren got it pretty rough throughout all of that. But if you really think about it, Luke hasn’t grown too much since he was that annoying, whiny boy on Tatooine. The Twitter proves it (and Twitter is fact, obviously). Let’s see how Kylo Ren is taking it:
https://twitter.com/Anne21guns/status/683070357339795456
Not well.
(Via VeryLonelyLuke / i09)
