Donald Trump Claims Drugs Are Cheaper Than Candy Bars, And Everyone Wants To Know Where

02.16.17 2 months ago 16 Comments

In an episode of Arrested Development, upper-middle-class matriarch Lucille scolds Michael for charging his brother Gob for a Bluth frozen banana. “I mean, it’s one banana, Michael,” she says. “What could it cost, ten dollars?” Michael, taken aback by her obliviousness, responds, “You’ve never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?” She hasn’t, and neither has Donald Trump. He’s certainly never bought ingredients for a home-cooked meal — not with his trash food diet of KFC and taco bowls — and he apparently has no idea how much candy costs. Trump would be terrible on The Price Is Right.

During a particularly hostile press conference at the White House on Thursday, the president, who previously accused Hillary Clinton of being on drugs, called the country “drug-infested.” He continued, “Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars. We’re not going to let it happen any longer.”

Let’s do some quick fact checking: according to Price of Weed, the first Google search result for “price of marijuana,” the average cost for an ounce of “medium-quality” pot in America is $279.24. According to my local grocery store, the average cost for Snickers, a “medium-quality” candy bar, is, like, $1. Even something nicer, like this bag of Gold Chocolate Caramels — presumably a Trump favorite — will only set you back $5.99. Then again, you have to pay for shipping, which is probably another $700. Trump’s onto something!

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