Being an ISIS fighter doesn’t hold much allure these days for a few reasons. For starters, the Islamic State finds itself in a cash crisis after global money lines were frozen. The United States also dramatically blew up a massive “bank,” which added a touch of symbolic humiliation as tattered bills flew through the sky. As a result of these setbacks, the jihadist group slashed salaries, and morale is down. Instigating terror is just no fun for half the price.
To add to this downtrodden effect, the Islamic State has also been in a panic over the “Daesh killer,” a mysterious gunman who’s been taking out ISIS recruiters. Aaaand one class of soldiers was particularly traumatized when a British Secret Air Services sniper blew off a commander’s head during a decapitation class. So yeah, these dudes are not showing up to work lately. Since they can be fatally punished for skipping out, ISIS soldiers are visiting the doctor for sick notes. When commanders got wind of their dwindling attendance rates, they sent out a scary-looking, official note to warn issuing doctors of the consequences of fake reports:
In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful
To the doctor brothers in Wilayat al-Kheir
As-salam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuhuWe remind you that the medical report is tantamount to a witness statement and any doctor whose report we discover to be untrue will be held to account, and he will be reprimanded with imprisonment or a large fine, or definite closure of his clinic (according to the ruling of the judiciary) and that will be to reprimand him.
This is likely a last-ditch effort to recoup the disillusioned youth who signed up for the cause, and since Twitter and other social media accounts have cut off communication conduits, these recruits don’t even have a place to complain anymore. With the budget crisis at hand, they’ve also lost former perks like the trucks full of Red Bull that once arrived with frequency.
Will this warning to doctors help ISIS get their front lines in shape? To outsiders, it sure seems like the beginning of the end for the Islamic State.
(Via Gawker, BroBible & Awymenjawwad.org)